No More Lies!

Wow! What a few weeks I have had in dealing with co-op issues and family drama. It happens. there are just seasons in life where we have more drama than others. For me, it just makes me dig deeper to figure out a solution with the truths of God's Word and much prayer! For others, they get overwhelmed and can't see the light. I hate when that happens to anyone, especially one of my girls.

Lately, one of my girls has really struggled with the way God has created her. She wants to be more bubbly and giggly so others want to be with her. Yet she is the more studious, sweet, polite girl who others want on their team for vocabulary games but forget to save a seat at the lunch table. She fears she is a nerd and no one wants to be her friend. Oh boy! Those lies sure have a way of seeping in and feeling like truth.

Add on top of that, the fact that my side of the family all go to the same school. Her best buddy cousins all are on the same sports team. They are so wrapped up in life together and that is so good for them! Yet it so hurts her to not be included in private jokes, stories about stuff they did or are going to do. What hurts more is when she is pushed aside so they can talk about something private. She just takes that and makes it a lie that they don't love her and no one cares about her. If they had any idea just how badly she feels coming to family get togethers or that she cries herself to sleep after being with them, they would so work on this, but that is not the issue. They are not the problem. It is inside her. The lies she tells herself and believes.

While the momma bear claws in me want to come out and rescue her, I pray. I realize that none of these issue or incidents are meant to be hurtful. No, they are a result of lies we tell ourselves and believe to be true. So how does a mom help her girl stop the lies straight from the pits of hell? Oh, we sing and read words of truth from God. :)

What is true, sweet girl? What is true is that you are a chosen daughter of God. You are a jewel in His eyes. You are precious, created in His image, the only one just like you! You are beautiful inside and outside. You are cherished by your family. Adored by your friends and truly respected by those younger and older than you. You are a child of God who seeks Him more than anyone else I know. You are the one who will follow His ways no matter how much you feel the pull of the world. You are His. You are a servant of God. You are a joy to be with. You stand up for what is right. You cling to God's truths and strive to be known as a Jesus Freak. You are brilliant in school work. You are a radiant dancer who gives all her talent back to God and claim little praise if any. You beam for Him. You are chosen by God to bring joy into my life and you do it with excellence. You are a daughter who is treasured, a sister who is adored and a cousin who is loved. You are beautiful! You are my gift from God. You are the only one who could do what God has called you to do and you will do it with nothing less than the excellence you demand of yourself. You are a young lady of integrity. You are precious and honored in His sight. God knows every single hair on your head!! Who would know that about someone if they did not love them?! ;) You, my child, are no mistake. You are the only one who could do just what you do and shine. Shine on, sweet girl! I pray you never believe another lie about yourself, but if you do....start telling yourself what is true! And if you need a little help, I will always be there to help you get started!

I'm a Sap!!!

Well, I think it is official, I am a sap. I can't deny it any longer. (not that I have been) Today we were working on organizing the school closet. While trying to do that, we were putting the girls items in order based on grade level. Each thing we pulled out, we sat and giggled over what treasures we found. Oh the stories and sweet pictures! Truly precious. Even better, I was able to remember a lot of those precious moments with my girls, which is why it is so hard to throw out any of it. I desire to have less clutter. I really do! I just can't get myself to throw away memories! Sigh....maybe one day I can declutter the school closet, but for now, I think I will enjoy the little stories some more.

Tender Moments in the Kitchen?

This morning, Doodle and I went to get some cups out of the corner cabinets that we call the whirlybirds. Sadly, something had fallen behind the cabinet causing it to not spin. :( Normally, we can just grab what is causing the problem and get the whirlybird to spinning again. This time, the cups at hand had fallen between the cabinet fronts. Hmmm...not sure how that happened. Regardless, Doodle and I got busy solving this problem. We used rulers, spatulas and finally the little thing we use to clean out the dryer vent! Success!

After doing that, we realized we needed to clean the cabinet shelves before we put the stuff back inside. Then we noticed the doors were needing cleaning as well. So we cleaned the cabinet fronts off, all the while, talking about what I was doing and why as well as silly things that made us giggle. After the cabinet fronts, we decided the sink was gross and tackled it. With each thing we did, we found something else that needed done. Sounds like the children's book, "If You Give a Mouse a Cookie"! But this time, it was different. We talked about how we use to play games while I had Doodle and her cousin wipe down the cabinet fronts for me when they were little. She started getting ideas about how to do that with young children she takes care of from time to time. Then I showed her how to make the sink SPARKLE! (even big girls like shiny stuff!) When we put the lemon oil on and were spreading it over our stainless sink, she started quoting stuff off from our Chemistry class this year about oil and water not mixing and that is why the water beads up and doesn't mess up the sink.

Ok, while some of you may not understand why all of this touches my heart....let me clear it up. If you didn' t read earlier, I have been in a funk. I have not been myself. Today, with my daughter by my side, we shared chores as we use to. We had a lovely time of doing something that may not be lovely and to be honest, it blessed her as much as me as she is my clean freak! :) I am thankful for a daughter who still enjoys hanging with her mom. I am thankful that she loves to have things explained to her so she fully understands why we do what we do and not get an attitude or feelings hurt because "she already knew that!". I am thankful God is lifting the fog that has surrounded me for some time and that I know He will continue to do so. Who knew you could get all that from a clean sink?!

On My Mind

Recently, I have found myself feeling a bit blah. I don't really know why. I am such a blessed woman. After talking to a dear friend yesterday, I realized I think I know one reason why! I use to go visit my Gram when I was feeling a bit blah and between the giggles and serving her, I took the focus off me and onto someone who needed it. The giggles just helped in general! :)

Gram and I talking at a Christmas celebration~ December 2006

Gram has been gone for three years! Hard to believe. I still think of her talks with me and how much I enjoyed spending time with her. She was not always the sweet Gram I mentioned. She had a little bite to her from time to time. Somehow, that is something I miss as well! Go figure! One thing I always knew, no matter what, when I left her apartment, I would feel better. I was able to talk through the stuff in my life and she just listened. Eventually, she would reassure me that I was doing the right thing and to stick to my plans. I think right now, I feel so unsure of what is going on with being in charge of our co-op and just managing the home that I feel very unsure of what is going on around me. My house is not as tidy as I would like, my weight is certainly not what I would like and so on....So that got me to thinking....what do I need to let go of in this situation to feel the way I did when I would leave Gram's apartment? I am not a little girl any longer who has to run to Gram for help. (although that is how I feel some days! :)

Gram on her 89th birthday~ January 2007

I think, one of the greatest gifts Gram gave me was to show me the importance of stopping and really listening to someone when they speak. She did not always do that with everyone but I know she did it with her grandkids. So if that is true, listening is huge. That makes me wonder if I am taking time to really listen to my girls as I was shown. It also makes me think, who do I run to now? My parents are great but they are so busy still with school and my sister's kids. It is hard to find time to talk like I did with Gram however if I said I was needing that, they would drop everything. I just know they are busy and this stuff is just not vitally important. Then it hits me...until my Gram fell, she and I attended Bible Study Fellowship together. She was seeking after God until the end. She showed me what I needed to do when I get in a rut...seek God. So, today, while Gram is on my mind and my heart, I get to run to God and tell Him what is going on in my world. That is what I should do first anyway...why does it take us getting the blahs to remember that God wants to hear all of the joys and sorrows in our life. He wants to listen and just like my Gram...He listens! So, off I go to sit at my Savior's feet and talk to Him as I should have done weeks ago! I don't mean just the daily prayers of a mother.....but the heart of the woman. Oh what joy I will find there. I can't wait to share! Once again, I know I will let go of those silly blahs and find the joy that only God can give. Thanks for showing me the path, Gram! What a lovely legacy. Here is a previous post I wrote about her if you are interested. :)

Gram and her great-grandchildren~ November 2006

Bittersweet Memories

Mother's Day brings up different emotions for me. I recall the first time I got a Mother's Day card. It was the year we had found out we were going to adopt. My mom and sister gave me a card that said I was "expecting". Words I so wanted to be true in the truest sense of the word. That never came to be for me and I know the joy I felt in expecting my baby via adoption. I wondered if I could love her as much as a child that came from my body. I worried that our family would not be able to love them as they did the other kids born earlier that year. I feared rejection. I feared a lot. Then God met me in the midst of that fear. He showed me how He met Hagar in that desert and filled her up with His love and gave her all she needed. I was suddenly at peace. No matter what I would be able to handle whatever God placed before me. That I was confident of. Then came the Mother's Day that I finally got to stand up and get the applause at church as a woman of great worth that day. Wow! My heart was so pouring over with love as a new mom, but it was also tearing apart for those I knew who wanted nothing more than to stand and claim they too were worthy yet their hands were still empty. Oh, how I never forget being one of the forgotten. I pray I never do. You see, Mother's Day can be quite the bittersweet day for many of us. While we want to honor those who raised us and to be blessed by our own children honoring us, there are those who long to do both and can't for various reasons. So, I guess I am asking God to place those people on my heart so that I can reach out to them and let them know they are worthy and to stand with pride for the gift they have been given in Christ.

A Heart for God

There are many times I lay down at night and thank God for the opportunity to shape my girls hearts that day. Last night was no different. As we are winding down our school year, I am noticing some interesting struggles. Yesterday was no different. I can't really go into details as I don't know who all reads this blog and I do not desire to defame or gossip about anyone through this blog. However, I will say this, after a very long two weeks, some heart issues flared up yesterday between one of my girls and some friends from co-op. It was a big enough issue to bring parents into it and I knew if we did not flush it out, it will change the group.

I think the part that makes my heart sick still, it involved a group picking on another child and my child, who is one that gets picked on usually, was involved with the group this time. Oh, how my heart sank before my anger rose. I don't care if my child ever gets to be part of the "in" crowd. I am raising my girls to not be really. I tell them to look around them, find the person sitting alone and join them. They are the ones that need a friend. Look at the people that society say are not worthy and join them. They are the ones that need to see a heart for God.

The rest of the day was spent with this daughter and I really digging into scripture and talking as she did whatever I did. She spent the day at my side as I decided hers was a training issue as well as a heart issue. I think she didn't know what to say but she knew she was glad it wasn't her this time. So instead of having the words to say, the courage to say it, she joined. We have gone over the words now. Practice the scenarios and is it bad that I am praying for another opportunity for her to use what we worked on all day?! More than riches, good grades, great talent, beauty, more than anything else in this world, I pray my girls will both have a heart for God and shine for Him. Days like yesterday remind me that heart takes time and we have to dig out the yucko in order fill it with that kind of love. It does not just happen.If I teach them all the academic stuff and assume they will grow spiritually on their own, at their own pace, I am doing them a great disservice. I am thankful to have had this opportunity, no matter how ouchy for both of us. I am eager to see her shine for Jesus the next time this happens.

Bean's Wings

Today is a big day in our house. Some of you might even giggle at the silliness of this post. However, for me it is truly a big day. Bean is off on an adventure with her Indiana History class from co-op. They left this morning about 8:30 and will not return until 5. They are exploring the different areas around Indy that tie into topics they are studying. Normally, I go on these trips with them. I love going on field trips with the kids and seeing their little eyes light up with amazement...well, usually anyway. Today, however, I am at home with Doodle finishing up the last stuff for our co-op Science fair, which is kind of my thing. As I drove out of the driveway at my friend's house, I suddenly got a weird feeling and I had to take a moment to think of just how far my girl has come in a few short years. It is sweet to see her spread her wings and soar!

Bean age 5 looking way too cute!

Bean is terribly shy. She always has been. When she was younger, she would hide behind my leg when someone talked to her. She did not initiate conversation and never would she perform on a stage. I remember having to carry her up to get her award from her gymnastics coach when she was 4. There was no way she was going to walk across that stage to get it. I worried about her following the shadow of her very animated older sister. Would she come into her own or would she always need me to speak for her or to stand beside her and tell her what to say? I remember seeking advice when she turned 5 feeling that it was time to really start attacking this issue in her life. So we did.

Bean has a great sense of humor which she shares with family all the time. Love it!

Bean started practicing at home how we look people in the eyes and say hello. We practiced hugging grandparents good bye and saying thank you. We practiced being a good friend by speaking when spoken to. We practiced ordering food at a restaurant. We practiced saying thank you to the waitress. Oh, the things we practiced at home! Over time, we started to see our girl sprout her first little wings...she ordered her food without asking me first! What?! Can it be?

We joined our current homeschool group three years ago and at that time, Bean was very cautious. She did not speak to any adults and few kids. She has always needed to feel comfortable in order to speak. New situations cause her to shut down to her protective mode. As we have gotten to know people at co-op and she has made so many friends, I have seen her start to really take off on her own. She use to eat lunch with me every Monday as she did not want to walk up to a table and ask if she could sit there. Not true now. She hardly ever sits with me now unless she just needs some momma time. Then comes this trip. I was suppose to go on this trip. I wanted to go. My great aunt passed away on Monday so I need to be gone on Thursday. All that means, I need to have my science fair stuff for Friday done by this evening so I can go be with my mom's family tomorrow and not worry about it. That meant, I needed to bow out of the trip. I told Bean about it and asked her if she still wanted to go knowing I would not be there. Oh boy, that is when I saw it. My girl has wings!!! Not just little buds, but actual wings! She wanted to go and she knew she would have fun. She also had no problem asking one of the adults for help if needed. Do you realize what that means? She feels comfortable enough with these precious women that she can soar. Oh what a journey we have had watching this precious girl sprout her wings. Today I am rejoicing in her taking flight....even if it feels a bit odd to not be there! :)

Bean on first day of co-op this year.

And the Race is on....

Wow!!! I must say that whether you home school, private or public school, the pressure is always on towards the end of the year. We have so many field trip opportunities, science fair, recitals, shows, etc, before the end of May that I can hardly breathe thinking about it. The week is the start of it all and it won't slow down until the girls dance recital is over. Well, at least for me. Matt and Doodle will go to the Indy 500 the next weekend as well, but they love that so not sure it is painful for them as it would be for me. :)

Today we leave for a short camping overnight with our co-op down in New Harmony, Indiana then on a field trip with the group tomorrow. After that, our buddy from Romania is going to stay with us this weekend as she only has one month of school left before she goes home again for good. So we will drive from New Harmony to Cincinnati with great joy see her. I am praying it will be a great time of fellowship and relaxing together but fear the week ahead will take over. Here is the the plan:

4/26 Monday: co-op and set up for dessert meeting next night while girls are at BSF

4/27 Tuesday: Matt and I hosting dessert meeting for dear friend from CCU while girls go to dance.

4/28 Wednesday: Matt leaves for next three days on a business trip. Bean and I will be gone all day field trip downtown Indy with co-op Indiana History class

4/29 Thursday: Doodle and I go see "Around the World in 80 Days" in AM and all three of us go
talk to Bible Bowl about the 10000 shoes in 10 months campaign for kids in Romania.

4/30 Friday: Science Fair with co-op

5/1 Saturday: SLEEP and clean

5/2 Sunday: Church and rest....love our Sabbath!

5/3 Monday: Co-op and BSF

5/4 Tuesday: History club and dance

5/5 Wednesday: Cinco de Mayo or as we call it "our anniversary!"
The girls will begin testing that day with co-op...Iowa Test

5/6 Thursday: Iowa Test

5/7 Friday: Iowa Test

5/8 Saturday: Doodle performs with dance group and qualifications at track with Matt

5/9 Sunday: Mother's Day

5/10 Monday: Co-op, BSF and Mom's Meeting

5/ 11 Tuesday: dance then two days of NOTHING!!

5/14 Friday: Matt leaves for Chicago

5/15 Saturday: Girls and I go to Cincinnati Christian University to see Gaby graduate

5/16 Sunday: Rest and Church

5/17 Monday: Last Co-op

5/18 Tuesday: Last history club

5/21Friday: Last day of our school (hopefully)

5/22 Saturday: Dress rehearsal for recital

5/23 Sunday: Dance Recital

5/28 Friday: History club Celebration Night: Roman Feast!! and back up last day of school just in case we miss some stuff with this crazy schedule! :)

5/29 Saturday: Night before the 500 races

5/20 Sunday: Indy 500


Whew! I don't know about you, but just looking at my calendar right now stresses me out. We are not even in a lot of things but we have had the opportunity to go different places which I love to do with our schooling. Experiencing history or whatever is so beneficial to the kids really understanding what it all is about. I would not take out one field trip or show nor would I change a thing except maybe better planning on our part to not have so many opportunities at the end of the year. With that said, I am teaching my girls a valuable lesson. You see, I have one girlie who really can't stand busyness. I am like her by far. We need time to be still in order to give others what they need. However, there are times in life we don't get what we want and our attitude will determine the outcome of the event or what have you. So I am digging deep to really lean on God through this busy season because even in the busyness, God will meet my needs and will give me times of rest. He already has with giving a day or two here and there. I will let you know that come June, this girl is going to be celebrating God's provision for an empty calendar! We have nothing on it for June! woohoo!!!

My prayer for the last of this school year is that we finish with excellence. It is so easy to get frustrated or bogged down and lose sight of the goal. We are doing all we do for God so whether we like it or not, busy or not, we need to shine for Him and that means finishing well. I am eager to see how others wrap up the school year as well.

My Lesson Learned

Funny thing happened as I sat through a seminar on "Empowering the Shy Child"....I realized that I still have shy tendencies myself! I use to be more bashful than I am now. I really came out of my shell in college and even more so after I got married. I remember as a kid, how frightened or fearful I felt walking in to a room of new people. I was not like my Dad or siblings who knew no strangers. I took after Mom who was more apprehensive with new situations and a bit guarded. While she taught me to step out, being at the conference alone last weekend, staying in a hotel alone as well, really brought back some of those feelings. It was eye opening to me as I sat there listening to this women ( so can't remember her name but will look it up!!!) speak on the shy child in my life, my Bean.

Beanie has always been painfully shy. At times, we struggled with knowing when to "force" her to do something or speak and when to just let it go. We made decisions along the road to where we are now at age 9 that I feel have worked for our family. She is less "painfully" shy and now would be more like her momma who struggles with it from time to time. We taught her to speak when spoken to. We never forced her to speak first unless she felt comfortable. We told her to remember that when she is not speaking because she feels weird to think of the other person instead. That is what God would want us to do....think of others before ourselves. We did make her speak to family no matter what. No excuse for not being able to thank grandparents or show them what you did at school. Being shy was no excuse to not being polite. Finally, we pray with her before we go into new situations if she feels nervous and we give her lots of opportunities to spread her wings. The result...our girl is soaring. She still has room to grow, but I am so proud of her. This year, she seems to have really gotten comfortable in her own skin enough to have a speaking part in a musical at church and then also speak in front of a large group at our Father's breakfast for co-op. She has managed to speak in front of her class at co-op as well. These are all huge! With all that in mind, I walked into this seminar and found out, we did ok. :) (always good to know!)

Her tips:
1. Talk to your child about the way God created them and tell them all the positives you see in them. Don't make shyness a disease but part of a who they are that needs work. We all have areas that need work, for them this is one.

2. Regularly share what you see with them. The more you talk about the positives and how much growth you see in their area of struggle, the more they will step out.

3. Watch your "language"~ Don't find yourself saying she "has a problem" with shyness or such.

4. Cement the image of being used as a vessel by God.
I loved this idea...she drew a huge ancient pot and cut it out. She hung it on the wall and then she and her child would write words on this pot that describe all the positive things you or they see in them. Anytime they are believing satan's lies, look at that pot and remember God is going to use them in some way to bring glory to Him. Amazing way to cast out lies!

5. Tie rewards to courage~ again love this!
Anytime someone in their family displayed a wonderful act of courage, which would be stepping out in faith in an area they struggle, celebrate! This goes for all kids not just the shy ones. What a great way to show our kids there are benefits for "doing hard thing" and it is worth the effort to step out in faith. I love it.

I am pleased to see that we have done some of these steps with Bean. I was also pleased to see that her tips were peaceful and gentle. Sometimes, being the parent of a shy child, I have been given some pretty harsh ideas from others trying to "fix" my daughter. I was blessed to hear...she doesn't need fixed! She is not broken. God made her the way she is for a reason. She has a tender heart and it will shine for Him the more she chooses courage over comfort. I just hope I remember to reward those times every single time. As a shy child, who still works through that at times, I left this seminar with a tear trickling down my cheek...finally, I am not weird either...ok, well at least not for this reason! :) God made both of us the way we are, now I can show my girl how to live out the courage I am asking her to do....what a gift.

What's the big deal in one word?

As I told you earlier this week, I attended the Midwest Homeschool Convention in Cincy last weekend. I also warned ya...I was challenged quite a bit and would be writing about some of the things I learned in days/weeks to come. :) Flee now if you can't take anymore! :)

This time, I want to mention something that was said in a talk about parenting the strong willed child. The speaker was John Rosemond. (my mom's favorite) So I went to see what all he had to say and to let Mom know how he did in this setting being that he is not known as a homeschool speaker. I was intrigued. He did not disappoint in this talk.

I sat through the first few minutes truly wondering when he was going to jump into some helpful tips I could take home. It did not take long before I figured out this was no ordinary seminar and while the title might have been about the kids, it was really more about me and the way I think.

One main point he brought up was the fact that in the 50's, women who stayed home to raise their children were called "housewives". Today in America, women who do the same are called "stay at home moms". What's the big deal with that...you might think. Well, in God's eyes, that is a huge deal. You see, we have managed to take the focus off the marriage and totally on the kids. When dads came home in the 50's they went to see their wives first to see what the day had in store for him. Now, they come in and play with the kids and leave talking to their wife til the end of the day. Now, I am not anti-dad time nor am I anti-stay at home mom. I am one!!! However, if for one minute, my kids think they come before their dad, well, I haven't done my job well. For I know from example in my childhood home that the best gift a dad can give their child is to love their mom. My dad was a quite man and seldom did he raise his voice. One way to get him to do so would be to speak disrespectfully to my mom. At that moment, she was not "mom" but "my wife". I remember Dad telling me in the car one night, "Don't talk to my wife that way again.". End of story. Now, my dad does not remember saying this at all. Which I think is the beauty of it all. When we place the marriage first, we are team for our kids and they know it. They know they can't play games against one parent or vice versa. I was challenged to make sure my kids know that the marriage comes first. Something I think a lot of us could remember.

Oh, and if you wondered what he said about parenting the strong willed child...well he saved that for the last five minutes. Bottom line, we all are strong willed, if we weren't we wouldn't need Jesus! Loved it! The only difference between a child and an adult is that adults have learned how to be diplomatic about not getting their way. Kids need to be taught how to do that. How do we do that? He referenced the sermon on the Mount when Jesus said, " Let your yes be yes and your no be no." Hmm....seems so simple. But it is so true! He also challenged us to talk to our great-grandparents and grandparents to see how they raised kids and do it just like them. He said America has spent too much time listening to "experts" like him and they need to listen to wisdom. Point made....so what am I going to do about it? Simple, I want to make sure I am not being wishy washy with my discipline. I need to make sure the girls know what Daddy says, I support and vice versa. I need to make sure that above all, God's truths are seeping into every aspect of our home and teaching the girls how to become more diplomatic in not getting their way. Use the teachable moments and lean on God! Sounds doable to me! :)

Sweetpea and Cupcake

In an earlier post, I shared that I was going to have the opportunity to meet up with a former student's mom when I visited the state house with our co-op. So, yesterday I did that! I had the blessing of meeting up with my precious buddy's mom. As she walked toward me with a beaming smile and outstretched arms, I knew time knew no boundaries. While I had not talked to them since he graduated from high school, I have thought of them often and prayed for them even more.

Chris was the child that had brain cancer at age three and the radiation treatment for that left him with developmental delays. He and I had the privilege to work together when I had graduated from college. We worked for two years and tried to fill in the gaps the best we could. This precious mom would do research and show me what she found and she trusted me to try things that were different than her other children as we both knew Chris's mind was very unique in the way he learned.

After we hugged, she gave me a letter from Chris. It was typed off the computer like he use to give me when we worked together. So precious...

Dear Mrs. Miller,
I am so glad that you are going to meet my mom at the state house. How are you? It's been a long time since I saw you. I use to be your helper in your school. I miss you so. Tell Dr. Matt I said hi.
Love,
Chris

Oh my heart filled with joy! This boy, now age 24 but does not look any differently than he did at age 10, had not forgotten our time together, which I so would have thought to happen. His mom went on to explain that he still has the picture of the two of us on his shelf and uses all the tricks I taught him in doing his daily activities. She wanted me to know that all he knows now, he learned from our time together. Well, I don't know if I would say that is true, but from this mom who has been home for the past 12+ years, it touched my heart.

We shared stories with my girls of the time we spent with each other. She told them what a blessing I was to their family and that they had the best teacher. Again, humbled but grateful. I shared with her how the girls use Chris' nickname for me now....cupcake. She giggled at remembering that story: I always call little ones sweetpea as I talk to them. "come on, Sweetpea". So one day, he asked why I call him that. I told him I say it to the kids I work with. He said, " well then you are going to be cupcake!". After that, if you saw us in the hall, I would be encouraging him by saying, "Let's go, Sweetpea" and he would respond, "Ok, cupcake!" My girls do that now as well. Still brings a smile to my face as it was such a sweet memory.

After her sharing what he is doing and walking down memory lane together, I asked HOW he was doing. She immediately turned from a smiling face to seriousness. She went on to share that he has cancer again, or so they think, and if so, it is inoperable this time. She shared this with tears in her eyes but was trying so hard to be brave in front of my girls. She looked so fearful standing there and my heart just sank. How can this be? This little guy, well this 24 year old child, has had to battle cancer four times. How is this right? I struggle so much when I hear stories like this.

Last night, I was very weepy over this situation. I just couldn't get them out of my mind. We agreed to get together as families soon. I want that to happen so badly. I do not want Chris to leave this earth and me not have taken time to let him know what a special student he was for this teacher. He taught me more than I taught him. Watching him struggle as he did just to do daily things, was what I needed to see at that time in my life. Who was I to complain about infertility, when this child could lose his life?! I kept thinking of our time together and how much it blessed me at a dark time and then it hit me.This was another divine appointment in my life. How blessed was I to have a connection like this with this family. Their perseverance and drive to help their child was amazing for me to watch. What I learned from my time with Chris has lead me to be the homeschool mom I am now. I know not all kids learn the same and God has created each mind to learn. It is my job to figure out how. It may not look "normal" but if the child gets it and it works for them, Great! So today, I am still feeling very weepy as I ponder what is to come. I also am feeling a sense of urgency. I know that what this mom told me took courage after all these years but how it blessed me. I was able to share with her as well, what a blessing Chris was for me during that dark time of waiting for a baby of my own. I wonder who else I need to let know what a blessing they have been in my life before I regret that I did not take the chance.

Sweet Words of Encouragement

Have you ever had anyone ask to speak to you and suddenly you have a slight fear of what is about to be shared? I had that experience today at co-op with a fellow homeschool mom. Mrs. L and I may not have the exact same teaching styles or even parenting styles for that matter, but God has placed us both on this same path during our homeschooling journey and I am grateful. I love how confident she is in what she does and why. I also love her boldness in her faith and convictions.

With that said, today she did ask to speak to me quickly. I was prepared for a concern about co-op as that is what has been the norm this year being on steering committee. Regardless, she continued to speak to my heart as she said that she wanted me to know that Doodle's character and grace outshines others in her group and she can see God's hand on this child. Now, before you go off thinking I took every word as truth...let me say this, I know my girls. I know their hearts and their flaws as well. I also have to say regardless of the fact this is this woman's opinion, it was a precious moment to hear her rattle off examples as to why she feels this is true. As I stood there listening to this woman share her opinions, I could not help but look over at my girl. There she stood putting her books away diligently. I thanked the woman for her kind words and I walked away wondering who I need to bless by sharing what fruit I see in their children. Such a gift that cost nothing at all...but meant the world.

Savoring Each Moment

I have found myself giving advice to younger moms lately and realizing I am becoming a "seasoned" mom to those who have young ones. I so cherish those friendships and remember how the moms God placed in my life when I had tiny ones always blessed me. I want to be the same for them yet it is funny how I don't feel that seasoned. :) When I have my friends with younger children over, it brings it right back. I love certain stages so much...well, actually there is only one stage I did not enjoy with my girls but God made them so cute during that time that I would so do it again. :) (the 3's were tough in our house) Regardless, I look at my girls at 12 and 9 and realize we are at a very calm phase right now. I have a friend who calls these years the "eye of the hurricane" because we are not in the chaos of the twos or teen years. I understand fully. So I love living in the eye of the hurricane but I also want to make sure these moms understand to savor each moment right were God has placed them.

When you are wiping up messes for the twentieth time today, remember that God always cleans up our messes without complaining. When we are doing laundry load after laundry load, thank God you are able to have a variety of clothes and are not like the homeless man or woman downtown with only what they have on their back. When you are preparing yet another peanut butter and jelly lunch, thank God that you get to eat with your children on a regular basis and are not sitting through another meeting with your boss. When you start to whine about not having any time for yourself, that is when I want us all to remember there are women who can not give birth, carry a child or afford to adopt a baby who would willingly sacrifice their every moment to serve a baby with love. Ladies, it is all in how we think. If we think we are being taken for granted, we will be. If we think we are not appreciated, we won't be. If we think our kids are a handful, they will be. If we think it is a blessing and honor to be chosen mother of the children in our care, it will be. If we think we are blessed to have the opportunity to be at home, caring after the home and kids, it will be. So today, soak up those moments with the littles because it does pass quickly...I know, I sound old now!:) It is so true though.

I remember like it was yesterday holding that baby girl in my arms for the first time. I never dreamt at that time that I would be standing eye to eye with her and in awe of the young woman God has grown her to become. However, I also get to stand in awe of the fact that I have been blessed to be right by her side for the entire journey to get to where she is today. Don't wish away the moments just to get time alone....savor each loud, messy, crazy day and know the quiet days will come and then you will be wanting to hear those giggles once more. Go play with your kids and let the laundry wait! It's a good thing. :)

Pieces on the Floor

This morning was a time of testing for me. As I was entering my daughter's spelling words into the program we use online, www.spellingcity.com, she was standing next to me. We were talking and having a laugh when she stepped back to lean on the wall for a moment. As she did, she knocked off the Romanian decorative plate we have hanging on our wall. It was a gift from our girls from Romania. Above it is the other gift I have from them, an embroidared picture V. made me years ago. These two items are not worth more than my girls broken heart. She cried so hard and thought I was going to get mad. Instead, I had to breathe. I kept telling myself how to reply as I calmly got up from the computer and cleaned up.

"People are more important than things. It is just a plate, it's not the girls. The memory is more important. I can always replace it, not her. :) I am an adult. I am the mom. Do not let her see you get teary. Be strong. Let her know you love her more than that plate. Hug her....not so tight! Ha!"

While I jest with some of the things above, some of them are true thoughts that went through my head. You see, I am fully aware this plate does not hold any value besides the value I place on it. It can be replaced and my daughter needed to be restored right then. So, suck it up, Mom and be the Mom your daughter needs. Hug her, clean it up with her and reconfirm to her that always, always, always, she is more important than any THING in this house. Now, that little lesson was lovely but I must say, a part of me would have preferred to have learned it without losing that plate...but then it would not have been such a sacrifice would it?! Oh, now that reminds me of another lesson, but that is for another day.

Olympic Games Begin!

Our family has thoroughly enjoyed watching the Olympics so far. We get so engrossed in the whole thing and lose track of our normal life really. When we were watching the opening ceremony last night, Bean jumped up off the couch and ran to her room. I thought she was getting a doll or something. She came back with one of our globes. She was watching the different countries walking in to the stadium and decided we needed to know where the countries were on the globe. So we got busy locating each country before the next one was announced.

Along with that fascination, started the draw to each of the flags. So we got out our book on flags of the world. Can I tell you, that while I wish I would have thought of this on my own, I am thrilled that my child came up with it on her own. She wanted to look up the countries. She wanted to figure out what the flags look like. She wanted to learn more about them. Now, we have a map of the world next to our tv. We are going to mark each country that wins a medal as the games go on. I am thankful for the prodding of my youngest to make watching the Olympics more than just something we observe but something we use to learn about other cultures and geography. Another reason I love my job!

Fast Moving Gases

As I have stated before, we LOVE doing science experiments at our house. It is just too fun. So when Bean brought home a sheet of projects to choose from for her science class at co-op, we were so excited! She choose the experiment she wanted to tackle which was finding out if gases move faster when they are warm or cool. Once she decided, we got busy gathering our supplies needed: pop bottles and balloons!

The bottles all ready to observe.

After getting the bottles ready, we just sat by and observed what was happening. Bean did an excellent job of taking notes and drawing pictures of what was happening. We used three different kinds of pop, each having a cool and warm test bottle. We were surprised to find out that the Sprite had the quickest reaction!

The Sprite bottles showing that the "warm" bottle has quicker moving gas.

After a bit of time, all three of the warmer bottles gave us the needed information to finish the project. We were able to determine two things: 1.) gases move quicker when warm 2.) if you want to keep your pop from going flat, put it in the refrigerator.

Bean displaying her experiment results....happy face balloons (her choice)

No happy face balloons....too funny!

We then made a poster, which shockingly, I forgot to take a picture of! It was sooo cute and I am hoping we can use it for a 4H project this year! Thinking ahead! Anyway, watching Bean walk in to co-op on Monday with her poster and bottles to display was a precious moment. She could not wait to get in there and show her precious teacher her project. I am thankful that I do get to enjoy not only the excitement of learning new topics or doing new projects but also the joy of sharing what they have learned with others. Have I mentioned lately that I LOVE my job?!

Snow Days and Ice Cream Treats

One of our trees covered in snow... so pretty!!!

Our neck of the woods has been having quite a bit of snow lately. Not nearly as much as the east coast, but still enough for several schools to miss two days in a row and have a few two hour delay days. That is one thing with homeschooling that I tend to allow, one snow day a year!! Many of my friends would disagree, but I so remember the joy I had when I would see or hear our school name on the tv or radio. Woohoo! No school! So I have allowed our girls to have one snow day. Our oldest, Doodle, decided to only use half of that day. She still did her co-op work so she would not be behind. Very wise girl and I love that was her choice so she still fully enjoyed the day.

Two more trees just looking beautiful.

Last Thursday, we had our first snow from this winter storm. So I decided that I needed to do something my mom and dad always did for us at some point each winter....make snow ice cream. The girls put out the large bowls to collect the freshly fallen snow.

Large bowls of snow!

Then we added a little milk, sugar and vanilla. Stir it up and boy oh boy do you have a yummy treat that is just plain ol' fun to enjoy. I remember enjoying this as a child as well. I am so thankful for these little memories I get to share with my children now. I have to tell you they thought I was nuts when I mentioned it. But after going through the entire process and enjoying the treat....

The girls enjoying the snow ice cream.

Well, now they think their mom can make anything out of nothing! Ha! Shhh! Don't tell them any differently yet. I am sure they will figure that out all by themselves soon enough.

Here We Go!

Doodle has been taking a chess class this semester in our co-op. It has really been quite interesting for her. She loves how it makes her think through each step. We have been doing a lot of practicing over the past few weeks.

She also is growing into this little lady with sweet friends who I adore. While she has several friends, she tends to be more like her momma and have a couple really good friends with lots of buddies. So, recently, she spent some time with one of her closer friends from co-op. They had a blast. The next day, she asked if she could email her friend to play chess online. So I agreed and she called her friend. I helped both of them find each other on the game site. Once I had set them up, I left the room to get something done and let them talk and play. When I came back, this is what I found:

Doodle on the phone and at the computer...right at home!
Oh boy! Here we go!

Divine Appointments

A couple days ago, Bean saw that our girls from Romania were online via the Yahoo! Messager. So I hopped back to the computer to double check and by golly, she was right! So I sat down to see if they could chat for a few minutes, as I know they are busy studying for college exams and there she is with a simple phrase that is music to my heart, " Hi Mom!". God so ordained that meeting. I know it sounds so silly, but I truly believe the reason we still have contact and feel the way we do, both sides, is because God has tied our hearts together. I was able to catch up with my girls. :) Happy momma for sure. There are no words to express what I feel when I see their username light up telling me they are online. I can't just pick up a phone and call as I do here. I have to wait for those divine appointments which I cherish. After a lovely chat, I always hate to "hang up" our conversation. I can tell our conversation is coming to an end and I get that weird feeling in the pit of my stomach because I realize I do not know the next time I will get to "hear" their voice. If that makes sense. I love G. and V. so much and I hate that they are so far away from us. But one thing their being that far away has taught me, God is in control. He will find a way to bring us together at just the time we needed and those moments are so precious that they will sustain us until the next time.

Isn't that kind of like our time with God? I mean, I am so eager to see that I have the ability to have complete silence to be at the foot of the cross. When I see that I will have that time, I am so eager to sit and be attentive to Him and Him alone for those few moments that pass so quickly. Once I realize our time is short, I hate to "hang' up as well and I walk away feeling so content with the time we had and yet longing for more. God uses all the situations in our life to teach us more about Him. I am thankful that while I may not understand why all of us can't be together, I do not find frustration or bitterness, instead I find God's heart and gentle hand as He guides me through these lessons. He is such an awesome teacher! Now, if I can just get myself pulled away from the computer so I can sit with Him...it is so hard once I talk to the girls, I want to sit by the computer all the time just in case. Hmmm, now there's another lesson...I think we all should feel the same way about God's time with us...just a thought. :)

Are We There Yet?

Have you ever had a moment where you suddenly realize that your life is no longer what it once was and your not sure when that change occurred? While that is the longest sentence ever, the thought behind it is quite simple. ;) As the girls have grown up, I have so enjoyed each stage. Granted, there are times that have been busier or more difficult, but truly there are blessings in each stage. With each passing of stages, whether when we had no more diaper bags, no more crib, no more blankie, no more whatever, it tends to sneak up on me.

While on our trip this year, I was walking through Animal Kingdom with our girls. Matt had a meeting so he joined us after he was finished that afternoon. While walking, I noticed that we have hit a new stage. It was a bittersweet moment. What lead me to this realization? Well, you know me....here's the picture of that moment:

Doodle and Bean walking through Animal Kingdom

You see, this was Bean's 5th time to Disney and Doodle's 4th. (Bean went with us while Doodle went with my parents to Virginia once) Each time before, they were young enough to be walking right by me either holding my hand or at least within arms reach. At 12 and 9, they are now at the stage they walk in front of me with confidence. They rode some of the rides without us. They were so cute walking through the parks talking along the way. I just walked behind them and wiped away a tear of joy for this new stage and maybe a tear for realizing the stage we just left will not return. I am so excited to see what this new stage we are entering has in store for us and truly am blessed that I have two precious girls that still like to hang out with Mom and Dad. Enjoy each stage for what it is and know that the next one will bring it's new blessings and trials. That is the joy of parenting. So here is a little walk down memory lane....Disney style! :)

1st Visit~ 2003

2nd Visit~ 2006

Bean's big trip~ summer 2008

One more time~ Fall 2008