Humbled

Recently, I have been talking with a sweet friend about what they do to celebrate Easter in their family. Her reply sent me on a heartfelt soul search in which I have not stopped quite yet. She just mentioned that while she loves both sides of their families very much, Easter is too holy to sit around and discuss bunnies, eggs, baskets. Add to that the fact they have non-believing family, it takes the focus off Jesus. So they choose to stay home and have people in their home to minister to. Hmmm, that is very intriguing to me. Here is the part that I keep going over and over in my mind: how do we honor this holy day? What things are we instilling in our celebration of Resurrection Sunday that would show it is a holy day?

So with that running through my mind, I kind of changed up how we "do" things. We are blessed to have families that all are believers so I feel very strongly that we are to spend it with them. However, the prep up to that day was different. Tapping into my teaching genes, I pulled out books and looked up websites to help the girls understand more about crucifixtion during that time in Rome. We learned a lot. We watched the Nest Entertainment's version of the Passion of the Christ. Very good and not so gory for kids.

Next, on Good Friday at noon, we shut the curtains and turned out the lights as we read about Jesus being crucified. We had time alone in our rooms after reading that and the knowing more about what that meant, we wanted to have time to reflect. Then we went to Good Friday service. It was powerful this year. The drama team was quoting several verses from Isaiah, which is the study we all do in BSF so the girls recognized that right away. The songs were moving but what got me were the pictures they displayed from Mel Gibson's Passion of the Christ. My girls will never be the same and I mean that in a good way. To look upon that bloody, beaten body of Christ, knowing he willingly did that for our own sins is just too much. We then all had the opportunity to walk forward and paint a stripe on the cross for our own sins. Powerful!

I left in tears. I pondered what to expect on Sunday and this year, it felt different. We had discussed so much of the process that when the miracle of Jesus' resurrection came around it was truly a day of rejoicing! I am thankful that my sweet friend made the comment she did to get me thinking about this holy day. I pray I never take it lightly again. Sure, we still did eggs and we did baskets for the girls but they were not the focus at all. We have never done the bunny thing so not having that was not a problem. But this year, I did not worry about what we all wore as I have in the past. I chose instead to focus on who we serve....what a mighty God!

Testing Season

My sweet man enjoys galloping the globe, well maybe just a portion of the globe, as he helps administering regional dental exams at various dental schools in the north east region. He loves this experience and getting to be a part of it all. He hates being away from us and boy do we not enjoy when he is gone. This month, he has been gone two weekends. He has two more for next month. I told a friend we are smack dab in the middle of testing season for sure. I love seeing him excited for any of his work God has called him to do. It is exciting to watch him step out in new ways and find his footing.

That got me to thinking...that is kind of what our year has been like. I am the "teaching day coordinator" for our homeschool co-op this year. I work with 5 other women on a steering committee to help guide our group through decisions that need to be made. It feels as if this year we have had more than our fair share of bumps on this journey. I struggle with wondering if it is because of my leadership, but then God will gently tell me....it's testing season.

Any time we go through a season of testing in our faith walk, I feel a bit uneasy at first. Once I see who my struggle is for or against, I am stubborn enough to dig my feet in and fight for God with all my might. I cling to the truth of His Word and know that in the past He has always been faithful to bring me out of these seasons of testing shining for Him in a way I never would have expected. God's grace during this time has been amazing!

I see His creativity in each sunrise/sunset. I feel His tender care of me as I seek Him out through prayer. I hear Him speaking to my heart as I read His Word. Times of testing, whether in schooling or in life, are really handled the same way. Do we do all that we can to prepare for each?

In school, you read all you can to gain information needed to pass the test. In our faith, we need to be reading God's Word to gather all the knowledge we can of just who our God truly is and what He wants of each of us and pass the test. In school, we seek out the wisdom of teachers. In life, we need to seek out the wisdom of our heavenly Father through prayer and reading His Word. In school, we consult with fellow students before taking the test to see if they have any insights we have not considered. In life, we need to do the same with fellow believers who have walked similar paths we are on during our time of testing. God gives each of us tests to grow us in our faith and bring us closer to Him. Are you facing a testing season? Are you prepared?

Big Decisions!

Do you ever wonder if you are doing the right thing with your kids? Man, I do...way too often especially as we lead them on their walk with Jesus Christ. Bean has come to us from time to time over the past almost three years asking to be baptized at various locations. At times it is in the ocean on vacation, in grandparents pool or at the lake house in the summer. Regardless of where or when, we always have asked why did she desire to be baptized first of all and then why in that location. After Doodle lead Bean to the Lord almost three years ago (March), we did not push the baptism portion as she was so young and we wanted to make sure she was fully aware of what commitment she was making to her Lord. With that, we also wanted to make sure that when she desired to do this step of obedience in her walk, that she was prepared to yell it from the mountain top that Jesus Christ is her Lord and Savior. For those of you who know our Beanie, well that is not her personality. She is painfully shy. Her reasons for not wanting to be baptized all the other times was because of the crowd. She did not want to do it in front of all the people at church, which made her daddy and I feel that maybe she wasn't quite ready to take that step. True, it is a personal thing between her and God, but the act of baptism, we felt, was a public one of a private decision and we wanted to make sure she was ready to stand firm for what she had chosen before. I don't know that I am making sense here, but I think you know what I mean. So we waited. We talked. We prayed with her and for guidance in how to know when she was ready. What a decision to make!

Earlier this week, she asked again and this time she wanted to do it at church with all of her friends and family there. Why? Because she loves Jesus and wants to let everyone know she wants to live with Him forever. Finally, we are at a place where there is peace in knowing she understands what this means and why it is important to do this publicly....although now that she is ready to do it publicly, I so would let her do the ocean if she wanted. It was a heart thing, not the location, if that makes any sense.

So, today, I get to stand by with friends and family and watch my sweet girl be baptized by her daddy. What a precious joy to know that both of our girls will be eternally with Jesus and that we all will be there together worshipping our Lord. There is such peace in that. As much joy as I have in this decision being made, I can't help but think of the multitudes in heaven that will be rejoicing today as Bean makes that final step in her step of faith. Glorious! There is no other word. I pray I don't lose it while I witness it all and try to wrap my brain around how God must feel to witness this child of His find her way to Him. I think we all know that is not possible! :) I am just rejoicing in the fact this decision has been made and that my girl is continuing to grow in her confidence in God. Glorious indeed!

That's my Beanie! :)

Precious Heart Indeed!

Doodle in her white costume

Doodle has been a part of a dance ministry group for three years now. They are a group of committed girls who meet every Saturday morning (usually) through the school year to prepare dances to perform at churches, nursing homes and such. Their leader, Miss Pearl, has a heart like few others. She has taught these girls how to use what God has given them to glorify God. This year, as with the past two years, the group was a part of a local church's Christmas program. This was the first year, the Precious Hearts dancers wore the white outfits which was amazing to see my girl light up the first time she tried it on. She has watched the older dancers who wear these outfits for years and to finally see that happen for her was precious!

I totally enjoyed watching Doodle get ready for her big show each day. Granted the driving back and forth at times was a bit much, but to see your child excelling in something they adore, well that is just a gift!

Doodle in blue costume...second from left

Most of all, I am grateful for Miss Pearl's heart in taking on this ministry for years now. I adore her passion and tender care of our girls' hearts.

Doodle and Miss Pearl

I pray that Doodle always remember for whom she dances and never stops praising her God in such a beautiful way. As she dances, she truly blesses those around. She has a reverence that can not be taught. It is truly a gift and I am forever grateful.

Precious Hearts Dancers~ Doodle in backrow far left.

Top 10

Happy Thanksgiving! I know I am a silly girl, but I think we should take time out to be thankful daily and not just one day a year. Regardless, at least we all take time to really think about just what blessings we have this time of year. So, today I am thrilled to be able to count my top 10 blessings in my life at this time.

I am thankful for~

10. Chocolate and chai tea....simple and yummy!

9. A home that is filled with laughter and love more than heartache and hurts. Not saying we never hurt each others feelings, but I am so thankful our family has more times of laughter than of tears.

8. Friends who love me and support me in all my endeavors. Not only supporting me, but pouring their lives into my girls hearts! I love that my girls have supports from all around them in all areas they are involved. Those women in my life at co-op, girls' dance classes, church, small group, scrapbooking buddies, lifetime friends...I adore your hearts!

7. Generous in-laws who have shown me that stuff is just stuff

6. Sunrises and sunsets that remind me of what a Mighty God I serve

5. Sister and brother who still giggle with me over our childhood jokes and also that we support each other in our endeavors regardless of how different we all are. No judgement, just love. :)

4. Parents who showed me the way to Christ and loved me enough to teach me that the best gift they could ever give me was to love each other well. I am grateful my parents did not try to be my friend when I was younger but were my parents who loved me enough to discipline me and teach me to do things the "right" way. :)

3. Being blessed to be called Mommy~ a word I never thought I would hear. I am thankful to have two beautiful girls who bless me with laughter, joy and love daily. These girls have a love and knowledge of God that I am in awe of daily.

2. Being married to a man who I adore and adores me. Having a marriage that is never taken for granted and where we see God's hand throughout. I am grateful Matt understands this woman's heart.

1. Having a God who loved me enough that He laid down His life for mine. While I was still a sinner, He died for me. He did if for you too.

Being a Man!

My sweet man is on an adventure of a lifetime with a group of 12 men from our church, including our pastor who kind of spear-headed this entire adventure. Several months ago, our pastor threw down a challenge to various guys to go to the Grand Canyon and hike from rim to rim in a day. It is said it can't be done, but they know it can. They have a plan and are prepared to conquer the beast tomorrow. Yesterday and today they are hiking in Bryce Canyon to prepare for the big adventure tomorrow. The pictures he has sent have been gorgeous and the sound of his voice is full of excitment...like a little boy seeing presents around the tree on Christmas!

With this journey I have found it amazing how many people, women especially, immediately comment on my husband's trip as "ridiculous, irresponsible, childish, selfish, immature,crazy", to name a few. I think I have probably thought some of those words myself throughout the planning process, yet God has been good to me to never allow me to speak those words to my man as he prepared to leave. That is one thing I have learned over 19 years of marriage....even when I think what my man is doing is the silliest thing on earth, if he is passionate about it, keep silent, take my concerns to God and wait. Sometimes, those passions dwindle and I see that God took care of that one. Other times, like this trip, I see God softening my heart and letting me know He is in control. Regardless, at least there was no belittling of my man to where he feels disrespected in his own home.

The comments other women have given to me makes me wonder if they or I fully understand what it means to be a man of God? I fully believe these testosterone trips are good for my man. I see a change in him when he returns. Whether it be hammering a roof on with a friend, dirt bike riding, scuba diving or trekking through the Grand Canyon, he needs times to put off the worries of the world, which for a guy is a lot, and just grunt, scratch, play. Ha! When he returns, I get the joy of seeing God's work in his life/heart and the fruit of that is I get a better husband/dad. So it is a win/win for all of us. When we, as wives, belittle what God has put in their hearts....to get out in nature, build things, hunt, hike, go fast, etc, we take away a part of their manhood. I don't want to be married to a girly man. I LOVE that my guy is all guy and needs these outings. I challenge all of us wives to hold our tongues when our guys are doing something we feel is just crazy....unless we are willing to be called the same as we head to the crafting corner. As much as we need to do our own thing from time to time in order to feel refreshed, we need to honor how God created our men to be just that...MEN!

OK God, I'm listening. :)

Do you ever have times in your life where you have heard God's whisper and chose not to reply only to be greeted with His ever present 2x4 upon the head?! I am really hearing God's calling me into an area of service with girls and it scares me to death!!! I have felt this for years and chose to ignore it. Now, God is screaming at me. I can't ignore it any longer and I need to be obedient...no matter how petrified I truly feel. I will keep you posted!

Driving with Dad

Yesterday the girls and I took a road trip with my dad to Shipshewana to exchange a swing he had purchased which was too long for his porch. Dad picked us up about 9:45 and we headed out. The girls brought school on the road, one of our favorite things to do to shake up the schedule. :)

We enjoyed driving and talking as we went. Dad told the girls that he had never driven with me awake so much! I was quite the sleeper in the car as a kid. We would get down the street and I would be out. Use to crack him up how I could wake up just before we got in our driveway. This trip, I did not want to miss out on one moment.

I don't get a lot of time alone with my dad anymore but I still adore it. His opinions mean the world to me and there is something about just sitting and laughing with your dad that makes life seem right. So, while we did not solve any world problems or even family ones, it was a nice day to restore this girls love tank with her dad.

That got me to thinking, isn't that the same with our Heavenly Father? We don't take the time to be with Him as we should, yet when we do....instantly all is well. I am thankful that my dad not only cracks me up and makes me feel special, but loves Jesus as he does and has shown me the way to fill up my eternal love tank!

Heart Issues

Lately, I have been finding myself having to apologize to people I have hurt with my words. Hmm, shouldn't I be old enough to be able to hold my tongue by now? Gracious! Having to do so has made me stop and think....why are there times I can control that tongue with no problem and others where I can't seem to muzzle that thing to save my life!?! After going before the Lord with this and then considering the areas I have been helping my girls with this same issue, I realize that it ultimately is a heart issue.

My days have been so busy with getting school plans done, house purged and cleaned, co-op plans, more co-op plans, emails from co-op, and yet more emails from co-op that I got weary and did not lean on God to meet those needs. Instead, I relied on myself. When I am trying to tackle life on my own I will always find that I struggle to keep my tongue in check. Same is true for my girls. So if that is true, I know it to be true, why do I ever walk out of my room or my house with out pouring my heart before my God? I pray that as I seek forgiveness for my short tones, sharp words or snarky attitudes the past couple days that I will remember to seek first the kingdom of God in all ways....especially before I speak! :)

Praying For Your Man

On my knees, I seek guidance and peace as I lift up many concerns, praises and requests to my precious Abba Father. I love coming before God with my heart and leaving it wide open the rest of the day for Him to sift through all that is in there, leaving only things that bring Him glory....when I allow Him to do so. One thing I have learned over the years of being married to this man God has given to me so wisely.....nothing brings us closer than when I open my heart in such a way and pour out my feelings, concerns and desires for this man to the One who gave him to me 19 years ago. When I walk away from that time, I feel peace. A peace that surrounds me the rest of the day. But there is also a bonus! I find myself thinking of Matt the rest of the day and suddenly....there it is again....that giggly school girl excitement to see his face again. The feeling I had when we first met and I couldn't wait for him to call so I could hear his voice. God truly blesses us when we come before Him on each others behalf. That blessing, I believe, is that spark you see in couples who have been married decades! Give it a try! What do you have to lose?

My man and me

True Treasures

Beanie's birthday party at the lake was so much fun! I would love to share pictures, but we had a little tragedy while there. As one of the girls was passing the camera to me, she let go before I had it and it landed in the lake!!! My first reaction, praise God, was not anger! It was a panic to find it, but not anger, which is a big deal for me as I LOVE pictures. She was so apologetic and truly did not mean to do this. Matt went ahead and took the kids out to tube while I waded through the muck and mud to find the thing. No luck! I was sure it was a lost cause which at that point, I did have to text a couple friends/sister to remind me that my pictures on that were not what mattered. Losing one year of birthday pictures is nothing compared to losing the respect of your daughter by putting a thing ahead of her heart. So, when they returned, my spirits where back to where they needed to be for a party. She got off the boat and immediately told me that she wanted to buy me a new one. I reassured her that the camera is not what I was worried about at all, yet I wanted to retrieve the pictures if possible. I stated again that she is much more important to me than any camera or pictures....so not to worry. It was an accident. She decided to go trudging for that thing though. No luck either. So when Matt heard all of this, he decided to give it a try. You know what...God does amazing things through our men. I mean, I don't know how long I was in that nasty mud but I did not just stand there for two minutes and climb out! Regardless, he found it. The card dried out and does work so pictures are safe. Camera on the other hand is toast. My girl, reassured that God answers prayers, even little ones about cameras, because she had been praying about that camera/pictures the entire time they tubed. I'd say that is a lesson in finding the true treasures in life indeed!

Paths

I have so much going through my head right now it is crazy! Life has been throwing me curve balls when it comes to dealing with teens in my life that I love like my own. Truly, God has blessed me with a gift of compassion for what they face daily but He has also given me a gift of walking before them and not choosing the right road which gives me wisdom in this area that there are days I wish I did not possess. Right now, my heart aches. I see what choices are being made by both child and parent and I wonder who will protect the child for they don't see what they are doing or know why they shouldn't. The parent has not walked the walk I did so does not know where it leads. My heart is pounding in my throat. I want to scream. I want to run wrap them in my arms and never let them leave. Yet, I know, that won't work. As we all know, we have to let go and pray like crazy. Oh, how I pray. My heart calms and I know that as much as I want to protect these precious teens/children, God loves them more than I do and if he has a path for them to take, it will ultimately bring glory to Him....just like mine. Yet the thought comes to mind....please, Lord, help them take a different journey. Help them be stronger than I was and able to stay on the path you prepared that leads to great joy forever and not the one that brings sadness, regret, shame that you too heal over time.

Abba Father, precious Creator, Healer, Giver of all good things. You are the great I Am. You are the King of kings, holy and mighty, worthy of praise. Thank you, God, for healing this woman's heart over time and replacing it with a passion that burns so strongly for teaching young teens the importance of purity versus popularity. Now, I pray, Lord that you will also give me the words to say that will permeate their hearts and lead them straight to you. Lord, I ask you to show me the path you have for me in this and help these kids stay on the one you have for them. My greatest desire is to honor you and help as many kids as I can to stay the path that leads straight to your heart now and not have to go through the healing process. In your son's most Holy and Precious name~ Amen

Recital Craze!

This weekend, Doodle and a friend of hers were asked to dance at a mutual friend's dance recital. Their own recital was just last weekend so they have had the joy of dancing fever for sure! They did two dances for this girl, who started her own dance studio when she was 12 years old at her church. She is now 18 and graduating from high school as a homeschool graduate. She is off to a lovely Christian dance school in Texas, but what a legacy she has left behind in her home town. I was so impressed by the passion for teaching the younger girls do dance for Jesus and do it modestly. It was lovely. As always, I love watching Doodle dance. These videos are not great but I still enjoy! Hope you do as well.

Doodle is on the right at the beginning of the dance. Dancing to "Who Am I" by Watermark, choreographed by Pearl Riggs at Dance Creations

Doodle is in the blue. Dancing to "How Beautiful" by Twila Paris, choreographed by Pearl Riggs at Dance Creations.

A Heart for God

There are many times I lay down at night and thank God for the opportunity to shape my girls hearts that day. Last night was no different. As we are winding down our school year, I am noticing some interesting struggles. Yesterday was no different. I can't really go into details as I don't know who all reads this blog and I do not desire to defame or gossip about anyone through this blog. However, I will say this, after a very long two weeks, some heart issues flared up yesterday between one of my girls and some friends from co-op. It was a big enough issue to bring parents into it and I knew if we did not flush it out, it will change the group.

I think the part that makes my heart sick still, it involved a group picking on another child and my child, who is one that gets picked on usually, was involved with the group this time. Oh, how my heart sank before my anger rose. I don't care if my child ever gets to be part of the "in" crowd. I am raising my girls to not be really. I tell them to look around them, find the person sitting alone and join them. They are the ones that need a friend. Look at the people that society say are not worthy and join them. They are the ones that need to see a heart for God.

The rest of the day was spent with this daughter and I really digging into scripture and talking as she did whatever I did. She spent the day at my side as I decided hers was a training issue as well as a heart issue. I think she didn't know what to say but she knew she was glad it wasn't her this time. So instead of having the words to say, the courage to say it, she joined. We have gone over the words now. Practice the scenarios and is it bad that I am praying for another opportunity for her to use what we worked on all day?! More than riches, good grades, great talent, beauty, more than anything else in this world, I pray my girls will both have a heart for God and shine for Him. Days like yesterday remind me that heart takes time and we have to dig out the yucko in order fill it with that kind of love. It does not just happen.If I teach them all the academic stuff and assume they will grow spiritually on their own, at their own pace, I am doing them a great disservice. I am thankful to have had this opportunity, no matter how ouchy for both of us. I am eager to see her shine for Jesus the next time this happens.

Sink Verses

My blog buddy, Jenilee, has a great idea of posting scriptures that you have around your house to encourage you or to meditate on as you go about your day. For her, the location is the kitchen sink. For me, I have index cards taped all over my house as gentle reminders of what I need to be working on or what I need to recall. Here are a few:

Philippians 2:14

Do everything without complaining or arguing.

(posted by my sink...great reminder for doing daily chores without whining!)

Jeremiah 6:16

Ask where the good way is and walk in it, and you will find rest for your souls.

(posted by the garage door as a reminder to "walk" the good way as we leave the house)

Hosea 14:9

The ways of the Lord are right; the righteous walk in them, but the rebellious stumble in them.

(posted by the computer, an area of tempation for many)

Micah 7:18b

You (God) do not stay angry forever but delight to show mercy.

(by mirror so I can see if my face shows delight in mercy)

2 Cor. 12:9b

My grace is sufficient for you, my power is made perfect in weakness.

(posted by my bed to remind each morning and at night that God is all I need)

Ephesians 4:29

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpfl for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.

(posted by the telephone to remind us what kind of speech we need to use)

I have others, but will save those for another day. I just want to encourage all of you to claim some scriptures for your walls, whether you post it on index cards or paint it on like my dear friend, Lainie. Having God's Word on your walls, makes it come alive in your home. I can't wait to see what others have posted. God's Word is so rich.

Sweetpea and Cupcake

In an earlier post, I shared that I was going to have the opportunity to meet up with a former student's mom when I visited the state house with our co-op. So, yesterday I did that! I had the blessing of meeting up with my precious buddy's mom. As she walked toward me with a beaming smile and outstretched arms, I knew time knew no boundaries. While I had not talked to them since he graduated from high school, I have thought of them often and prayed for them even more.

Chris was the child that had brain cancer at age three and the radiation treatment for that left him with developmental delays. He and I had the privilege to work together when I had graduated from college. We worked for two years and tried to fill in the gaps the best we could. This precious mom would do research and show me what she found and she trusted me to try things that were different than her other children as we both knew Chris's mind was very unique in the way he learned.

After we hugged, she gave me a letter from Chris. It was typed off the computer like he use to give me when we worked together. So precious...

Dear Mrs. Miller,
I am so glad that you are going to meet my mom at the state house. How are you? It's been a long time since I saw you. I use to be your helper in your school. I miss you so. Tell Dr. Matt I said hi.
Love,
Chris

Oh my heart filled with joy! This boy, now age 24 but does not look any differently than he did at age 10, had not forgotten our time together, which I so would have thought to happen. His mom went on to explain that he still has the picture of the two of us on his shelf and uses all the tricks I taught him in doing his daily activities. She wanted me to know that all he knows now, he learned from our time together. Well, I don't know if I would say that is true, but from this mom who has been home for the past 12+ years, it touched my heart.

We shared stories with my girls of the time we spent with each other. She told them what a blessing I was to their family and that they had the best teacher. Again, humbled but grateful. I shared with her how the girls use Chris' nickname for me now....cupcake. She giggled at remembering that story: I always call little ones sweetpea as I talk to them. "come on, Sweetpea". So one day, he asked why I call him that. I told him I say it to the kids I work with. He said, " well then you are going to be cupcake!". After that, if you saw us in the hall, I would be encouraging him by saying, "Let's go, Sweetpea" and he would respond, "Ok, cupcake!" My girls do that now as well. Still brings a smile to my face as it was such a sweet memory.

After her sharing what he is doing and walking down memory lane together, I asked HOW he was doing. She immediately turned from a smiling face to seriousness. She went on to share that he has cancer again, or so they think, and if so, it is inoperable this time. She shared this with tears in her eyes but was trying so hard to be brave in front of my girls. She looked so fearful standing there and my heart just sank. How can this be? This little guy, well this 24 year old child, has had to battle cancer four times. How is this right? I struggle so much when I hear stories like this.

Last night, I was very weepy over this situation. I just couldn't get them out of my mind. We agreed to get together as families soon. I want that to happen so badly. I do not want Chris to leave this earth and me not have taken time to let him know what a special student he was for this teacher. He taught me more than I taught him. Watching him struggle as he did just to do daily things, was what I needed to see at that time in my life. Who was I to complain about infertility, when this child could lose his life?! I kept thinking of our time together and how much it blessed me at a dark time and then it hit me.This was another divine appointment in my life. How blessed was I to have a connection like this with this family. Their perseverance and drive to help their child was amazing for me to watch. What I learned from my time with Chris has lead me to be the homeschool mom I am now. I know not all kids learn the same and God has created each mind to learn. It is my job to figure out how. It may not look "normal" but if the child gets it and it works for them, Great! So today, I am still feeling very weepy as I ponder what is to come. I also am feeling a sense of urgency. I know that what this mom told me took courage after all these years but how it blessed me. I was able to share with her as well, what a blessing Chris was for me during that dark time of waiting for a baby of my own. I wonder who else I need to let know what a blessing they have been in my life before I regret that I did not take the chance.

Divine Appointment

Yesterday the girls and I went to the State House for a field trip with our homeschool co-op and family friends. We had such a nice time. Truly it was a blessing. God knew who to have there and it worked beautifully.Our group at the state house

My mother-in-law is a state senator so she spoke to our group and even took them up to her work wall to show where she does what she does. Everyone was quite shocked at one a tiny amount of space she truly has to work. After meeting with her in the senate chambers, the group headed to the court room where we ended our "official" tour. The guide let us know there was a "mediation" room on the fourth floor that we might enjoy seeing. We went to see the chapel as a a group. As I opened the door, I noticed a lady playing the piano. She stopped and was prepared to leave. I reassured her to stay and play that we only wanted to see the room quickly then we would be out of her hair.

Our mystery piano player

After we all were in the tiny chapel, she started playing again. I realized I knew the song: What a Friend We Have in Jesus. One of my favorites. :) A lady from our co-op asked if we could sing while she played. So we did. It was a God moment. Truly a blessing. After we finished, the woman put her hands to her face and said that we were her angels. She explained that she was having a hard day and came into the chapel to have some quiet time and then we met her. She knew God had sent us for her. How precious for those kids to witness this moment.Miss Kat praying over the piano player.

I am just amazed that if you are open to His leading, God will allow you to experience some remarkable, moving moments. I also wonder how many times I have not jumped at the opportunity to obey God's nudges and end up not being blessed or blessing someone else. Truly, listening for that gentle nudge yesterday is what allowed this precious woman to feel the way she did and her willingness to obey in sharing that with us allowed all of us to walk out knowing we had just experienced a divine appointment.

God's Path or Mine

After talking to my mother-in-law about Doodle's visit to the state house, she wanted me to know someone from the state house law office wanted to talk to me. At first, I was a bit worried, then she said the name and instantly, I had a smile. It was the mom of a student I had years ago. You must know I have been home since the summer we brought our baby girl, Doodle, home. Having that mom ask about me and knowing we are going to meet next week to catch up, well, I must say that my mind is twirling. You see, at the time I was involved with this particular family, the journey I was on personally was a very dark time emotionally. Matt and I had been married for years and no pregnancy. We were dealing with infertility....ah, the lovely the word the medical field gives to barrenness. That is what the Bible calls it...barren. Isn't that a sad word? I can not tell you what knowing that was my problem did to my heart. I was surrounded by friends and family who constantly were expecting or talking about people who were. Then there were the family members who rudely asked us when we were going to have a child. I know they didn't know but their questions cut deep. Oddly, when they stopped asking, it hurt worse! Go figure!

Anyway, during this time, I was also struggling to find a job as a new teacher out of college. I was so passionate about teaching. I loved kids and wanted to engage them in whatever we were studying. I had lots of ideas and could not wait to get into my own classroom. However, just like the infertility, God's plan was different than mine. Instead of giving me my own class, which is so what I thought I wanted and needed, He gave me what He KNEW I needed. I was hired to be an instructional assistant for special needs students who were going to be a part of this school's inclusion program. That meant, I would be in another teacher's room, but my role was to help the "labeled" students meet the class load or to teach similar things to their level. Basically, my job was to help the students feel as much a part of the classroom as possible and iron out the bumps. Where needed, I was to give instruction at their level and try to make up any deficits. I was scared to death when I got hired!!! Can I do this? What happens if I mess up? I had no training in special education beyond the two classes we took for my degree. Will that be enough?

That first year, I had three students I was "in charge" of in that room: Chris M., Chris D., and Christina. See a pattern? Seriously though, one of the children had Down Syndrome and truly fit in more socially but struggled academically. Inclusion helped him shine with his buddies. The other just needed a bit more time in learning concepts and truly did not appear to need the label given. The last one had developmental delays due to radiation treatment when he was three. He had brain cancer at age three and struggled to "catch up" to his twin brother after that. His brother was a genius! Truly! So the parents goal was never that he catch up to his brother, but that he would be"normal" one day. My heart melted with these three. God knew I needed to see the world through their eyes. You see, there is a reason these children were in my life at this time. "Special Needs" is a title that I struggle with because truly, I was the one with special needs and they met them. As I would sit and help one of the boys with their reading, he would sit and look at me. He appeared to be looking through me! Sometimes, it would creep me out! But I would ask:"Chris, are you ok?"
His reply was precious to me,"Shh! Mrs. Miller (with a slight slurring of the l's to sound more like Mrs. Miwwer) You have angels all around your head. Shhh! We don't want them to go away!"
Ummm, what?
You know what, those moments made me feel uncomfortable at first but after hearing him say that from time to time, it was so precious. Looking back now, it was a true gift from God. He also was able to see the joy in all things. This child memorized full movies from Disney and loved everything Disney! He would tell me a story and light up. We giggled our way through his lessons often. And he loved to hold my hand and play with my fingernails, which were always long and painted at that time! Those hugs, smiles and constant show of spiritual protection was what I needed at that time. God knew that and I did not.

The following year, God placed me with this one child again. I was his personal instructional assistant with a teacher who I loved working with. His growth that year was amazing! But mine was greater. That was the year we were having infertility treatments galore while we found out about each of our siblings expecting their first child. They were all due within 6 months of each other and that just about did me in. I knew it was selfish yet the pain could not be masked. But the joy of my job allowed me to see God at work. This child was the joy and light I needed at that time. God knew how He was going to bring our family together, but I did not at that time. I did know that what I was facing was not as hard as what the special needs kids had to face every day. My eyes were opened and my heart had room to let this child's love pour in. Boy did it! This little guy filled that void for me at that time.

After we adopted Doodle, I took her to meet this precious family. Seeing my answer to prayer in my student's arms was precious. He was so excited and could not wait to teach her about Lion King! Sadly, time has gotten away and we lost touch. However, next week we will catch up and I will get the chance to thank them in person for the gift they gave me during that time. I am so grateful for God's hand on my life and leading me in ways I did not understand at the time. I am also grateful that He never stops doing that. So if you are not where you think you should be in your life, don't fret. God has you there for a reason. Soak up the moment He has for you and know something better is around the corner. I would not go back and change one day I spent soaking up God's love through this precious child.

A Man, A Shovel and A Moment with God

You know there are not many times I am speechless. Today was one of those days. As the girls and I were sitting by the fire reading about Joshua and the Israelites for history today, Doodle yelled, "Someone's in our driveway!". Now those of you who know Doodle understand that when I say she yelled, I mean she yelled. :) Anyway, I turned to look and saw a man I did not recognize standing by our garage. I noticed he has a snow shovel and after that he got busy shoveling our driveway. I was stunned!

After thinking about it for a minute, I realized the man was our neighbor's son. He has lived with her for the past year or two but I have never been officially introduced and certainly all bundled up, it was hard to tell who was out there. So I opened the door and thanked him and asked him if he needed some helpers. He said, and I quote,

"No ma'am. I didn't think anyone was home. I wanted to do this for the Dr. since he has given me so much dental care for free. I did it last year too and I just want to do this for him."

My jaw hit the ground I am sure. After that encounter, I made him some hot cocoa and sent our oldest out to give him the drink and ask one more time if he wanted helpers. Again, he said he did not want anything from us, just wanted to thank Matt. So I started praying for this man.

When he finished, he brought the mail up to the door and rang the bell. I answered and he asked if I was Mrs. Miller and I assured him I was. He said he was sorry that he interrupted our day but he thought no one was home and just wanted to help out the Dr. because he has helped him so much. I thanked him and reassured him that he did not interrupt our day. I told him that Matt enjoys serving others and what he said next stunned me, " You guys do good mission work. Thank you!"

Do you know how weird it is to watch someone serve you in this way and to be listening to someone talk like that about your family? I am so use to getting up and helping out that it felt like I was being lazy or something but what a blessing this man gave my husband. And truly for this man, what a blessing he got in doing so. I just know that God was pleased with his heart in this moment. Also, what a moment for my girls to hear this man honor their daddy in this way. Truly one of those moments you just can't set up on your own. It was amazing. Only God could arrange such a divine meeting.

As for my girls, well, let's just say that they got to see first hand what it means to be the hands and feet of Christ for others. I wonder who we can go bless tomorrow?!

New Year...New Goals!

As I posted earlier in December, we spend some of our Christmas morning writing down and sharing things we want to give to Jesus this year. We put those things in a pretty little box that hangs on the tree. That is such a special, sweet part of the day for all four of us.

This year, we were reading through some of the old things we had "given" to Jesus and we noticed a slight trend in a few of our gifts. It seems we are really good at thinking of things we should give to Jesus and not so good at actually giving them to Him! So that got me to thinking. (must add the words of my sweet friend Pooh Bear....think, think, think) Anyway, what do we need to do to make those gifts a reality this year so we don't see the same things written down again? Then it hit me...goals! We need to do more than just write it down, pray about and think about it for a bit. We need to do all that but then set up goals to helps us reach these desires. So we spent New Years Day setting up our new goals for the year in hopes to honor the gifts we have given Jesus this year. I must say, I was humbled by my girls lists. We had them come up with ways to make their gift happen and they so did that over and beyond my expectations. I will not share their goals as I feel they are theirs to share with whom they choose, but I feel I need to share mine so I will have others helping me stay accountable to this goal in my life. So, the following are my gifts to Jesus and my goals to make those gifts a reality:

1. Honor God through my time, talents and treasures. How?
~turn off the tv, computer and phone. If I have not had my quiet time, done my study etc, they do not turn on.
~give more money to the missions we support and tithe in abundance
~ serve God when He calls me to the ministry He desires me to serve

2. Care for those He has place in my care with a cheerful heart. How?
~ again, by studying His Word each morning and spending time in prayer, I am able to do just that. When I wait to get up when they are up and start my day at the same time, I am spent by noon. :)

~consider the "mundane" chores a blessing with each load of laundry I fold, each dish I dry, each toilet I clean for it is not those things I am doing it for. I need to remember that with each of those things, my heart should be focused on the blessing of having a family to care for and having the gift of clothes to wash, dishes to clean and toilets to scrub for there are people who have none of that including the family and would give their right arm to trade places.

3. Care for His temple...(AKA my body!) How?
~ exercise 3-4 times per week.
~ lose weight

4. Love Him with all of my mind, heart, soul. How?
~Memorize 20 new scriptures to bring to mind and hold me accountable to 'what is true'.
~ spend time with him...we love those we spend time with!

5. Pray....talk to Him! How?
~ easy....PRAY daily, weekly, hourly....moment by moment.
~ keep a prayer journal and note answered prayers