On My Mind

Recently, I have found myself feeling a bit blah. I don't really know why. I am such a blessed woman. After talking to a dear friend yesterday, I realized I think I know one reason why! I use to go visit my Gram when I was feeling a bit blah and between the giggles and serving her, I took the focus off me and onto someone who needed it. The giggles just helped in general! :)

Gram and I talking at a Christmas celebration~ December 2006

Gram has been gone for three years! Hard to believe. I still think of her talks with me and how much I enjoyed spending time with her. She was not always the sweet Gram I mentioned. She had a little bite to her from time to time. Somehow, that is something I miss as well! Go figure! One thing I always knew, no matter what, when I left her apartment, I would feel better. I was able to talk through the stuff in my life and she just listened. Eventually, she would reassure me that I was doing the right thing and to stick to my plans. I think right now, I feel so unsure of what is going on with being in charge of our co-op and just managing the home that I feel very unsure of what is going on around me. My house is not as tidy as I would like, my weight is certainly not what I would like and so on....So that got me to thinking....what do I need to let go of in this situation to feel the way I did when I would leave Gram's apartment? I am not a little girl any longer who has to run to Gram for help. (although that is how I feel some days! :)

Gram on her 89th birthday~ January 2007

I think, one of the greatest gifts Gram gave me was to show me the importance of stopping and really listening to someone when they speak. She did not always do that with everyone but I know she did it with her grandkids. So if that is true, listening is huge. That makes me wonder if I am taking time to really listen to my girls as I was shown. It also makes me think, who do I run to now? My parents are great but they are so busy still with school and my sister's kids. It is hard to find time to talk like I did with Gram however if I said I was needing that, they would drop everything. I just know they are busy and this stuff is just not vitally important. Then it hits me...until my Gram fell, she and I attended Bible Study Fellowship together. She was seeking after God until the end. She showed me what I needed to do when I get in a rut...seek God. So, today, while Gram is on my mind and my heart, I get to run to God and tell Him what is going on in my world. That is what I should do first anyway...why does it take us getting the blahs to remember that God wants to hear all of the joys and sorrows in our life. He wants to listen and just like my Gram...He listens! So, off I go to sit at my Savior's feet and talk to Him as I should have done weeks ago! I don't mean just the daily prayers of a mother.....but the heart of the woman. Oh what joy I will find there. I can't wait to share! Once again, I know I will let go of those silly blahs and find the joy that only God can give. Thanks for showing me the path, Gram! What a lovely legacy. Here is a previous post I wrote about her if you are interested. :)

Gram and her great-grandchildren~ November 2006