My Lesson Learned

Funny thing happened as I sat through a seminar on "Empowering the Shy Child"....I realized that I still have shy tendencies myself! I use to be more bashful than I am now. I really came out of my shell in college and even more so after I got married. I remember as a kid, how frightened or fearful I felt walking in to a room of new people. I was not like my Dad or siblings who knew no strangers. I took after Mom who was more apprehensive with new situations and a bit guarded. While she taught me to step out, being at the conference alone last weekend, staying in a hotel alone as well, really brought back some of those feelings. It was eye opening to me as I sat there listening to this women ( so can't remember her name but will look it up!!!) speak on the shy child in my life, my Bean.

Beanie has always been painfully shy. At times, we struggled with knowing when to "force" her to do something or speak and when to just let it go. We made decisions along the road to where we are now at age 9 that I feel have worked for our family. She is less "painfully" shy and now would be more like her momma who struggles with it from time to time. We taught her to speak when spoken to. We never forced her to speak first unless she felt comfortable. We told her to remember that when she is not speaking because she feels weird to think of the other person instead. That is what God would want us to do....think of others before ourselves. We did make her speak to family no matter what. No excuse for not being able to thank grandparents or show them what you did at school. Being shy was no excuse to not being polite. Finally, we pray with her before we go into new situations if she feels nervous and we give her lots of opportunities to spread her wings. The result...our girl is soaring. She still has room to grow, but I am so proud of her. This year, she seems to have really gotten comfortable in her own skin enough to have a speaking part in a musical at church and then also speak in front of a large group at our Father's breakfast for co-op. She has managed to speak in front of her class at co-op as well. These are all huge! With all that in mind, I walked into this seminar and found out, we did ok. :) (always good to know!)

Her tips:
1. Talk to your child about the way God created them and tell them all the positives you see in them. Don't make shyness a disease but part of a who they are that needs work. We all have areas that need work, for them this is one.

2. Regularly share what you see with them. The more you talk about the positives and how much growth you see in their area of struggle, the more they will step out.

3. Watch your "language"~ Don't find yourself saying she "has a problem" with shyness or such.

4. Cement the image of being used as a vessel by God.
I loved this idea...she drew a huge ancient pot and cut it out. She hung it on the wall and then she and her child would write words on this pot that describe all the positive things you or they see in them. Anytime they are believing satan's lies, look at that pot and remember God is going to use them in some way to bring glory to Him. Amazing way to cast out lies!

5. Tie rewards to courage~ again love this!
Anytime someone in their family displayed a wonderful act of courage, which would be stepping out in faith in an area they struggle, celebrate! This goes for all kids not just the shy ones. What a great way to show our kids there are benefits for "doing hard thing" and it is worth the effort to step out in faith. I love it.

I am pleased to see that we have done some of these steps with Bean. I was also pleased to see that her tips were peaceful and gentle. Sometimes, being the parent of a shy child, I have been given some pretty harsh ideas from others trying to "fix" my daughter. I was blessed to hear...she doesn't need fixed! She is not broken. God made her the way she is for a reason. She has a tender heart and it will shine for Him the more she chooses courage over comfort. I just hope I remember to reward those times every single time. As a shy child, who still works through that at times, I left this seminar with a tear trickling down my cheek...finally, I am not weird either...ok, well at least not for this reason! :) God made both of us the way we are, now I can show my girl how to live out the courage I am asking her to do....what a gift.