Aaahhhh...the wonderful breath of fresh air has hit my home....summer has arrived. (well, as far as school is concerned.) We finished school on May 18th. We were able to meet the goals set for us this year and I think this has been the best year yet. I look forward to an even more exciting year next year. It is great to finally know what we are doing and be confident that it is what works for our family.
I have been getting back into the swing of things recently. I think I have posted about my need to get plugged back into the world since my Gram's passing. I feel we are doing that so gracefully. God is just bringing things to my door! It is such a blessing. I keep praying that soon that will be an issue of the past. I know we will miss her presence but we really needed to get back to God's work.
The girls have started swim club again. That is always a wonderful time for them to connect with my sister each summer. She is the coach and drives them to and from practice. Special memories.
Tuesday, May 22, 2007
Monday, May 7, 2007
Wow! What a night we had last night! This past month has been very emotional for me and I did not realize just how much that pours over to my kids. I keep thinking that I am hiding it well but then you find out you have not. So needless to say, it was brought to my attention that the girls were afraid to tell me how much they missed my Gram because they didn't want to make me sad. They have been struggling with their own sadness and didn't know how to work it out. That broke my heart! Naturally when we stuff our emotions down we end up lashing out at the ones we love most. Sadly that is what has been happening in our home.
Once I was able to get out of them what was going on it amazed me to see their little hearts. I knew that I was having a tough time recently with transitioning back into the land of the living since my gram's passing but I did not realize how deeply they adored this woman. I should not have been shocked. We all went to visit her 2-3 times a week, took her to doctor's appointments , took her to Bible Study Fellowship with us, did her laundry every other week or so, took her to Wal-Mart and occasionally to the library when she first came here. She joined us for every birthday party, holiday or family get together as well as dance recitals and church activities when she could. This precious woman was a part of their daily lives in a way most children don't get to experience from grandparents let alone a great-grandma. So, as we sat there sharing memories and heart felt sadness over her not being here but joy in where she is now, I couldn't help but think how blessed Gram must be right now. If she could see what an impact she has made on these two precious hearts should bless her tremendously. I still miss her terribly. I just feel sad a lot. I didn't realize just how much I went to her with what was happening in my life and how much talking things out with her helped me be able to function with peace throughout my week. I miss that time with her and the wisdom she would depart when asked. Today I am so happy to be sitting her typing this while wearing her ring that my mom gave me yesterday. It's silly really. What does wearing that ring do for me ? Nothing! It just sits there but it is a reminder of her words, support and unending love for me. That reminds me of God's love for me. When I am in nature I have the same feeling I do as I glance at this ring..peaceful. It just helps jog my memory that God loves me. I think it will take some more time to heal the sad hearts but I know we will all shine for Jesus as we work through this loss. We are finding ways to get plugged back in to service at church as well as with a co-op. I feel that will help ease the pain of her loss....getting back into serving someone else and less time to think!! I am blessed to have two precious girls who love me enough to try to protect my feelings but truly I pray they know that is not what I ever want. I appreciate even more the fact that they shared their hearts with me and we had such a precious time of joy and tears last night. Thanks Gram, for loving me well and even more for sharing that with my kids! I pray that I will do the same.
Thursday, May 3, 2007
As we are getting ready to celebrate our 16 years of marriage, I can't help but think about the man I am blessed to be married to as well as what a wonderful life and love we share. I am so grateful for God's gift of my honey. God knew what I would need to continue to mold me into the woman He created me to become and then He sent me Matt. Matt and I are a lot alike in many ways which makes life pretty easy most days. The areas we are least alike are the areas we needed to build the other up and encourage growth. That is so evident to me as I look at the man I see before me 16 years after our wedding. He is not the same man he was then in some areas but in many he remains the same young man I met on a blind date. The thing that grabbed my heart back then is still here....his gentleness with me and his great sense of humor. He makes me laugh more than anyone I know. Even when I am upset he can say something or give me one of his silly looks and I end up laughing like crazy. That is so nice to have around especially when things get tough. Life has so many ups and downs that being able to laugh our way through the stuff thrown our way truly has been such a blessing. Matt has grown to become the head of this family and the spiritual leader over time. I had to lay both of these titles down as I grew in my walk with the Lord and realized I had taken them on. Once I laid them down and let go, amazingly God raised Matt up to take that job. I have been amazed by watching him grow into the leader he is today. I know he will continue to grow and I can't wait to see what a change there will be in the next 16 years. His passion for his family is still the same. It has only been expanded to include his precious girls. I love watching this man with his daughters. Nothing softens my heart more. I could go on and on and on about my honey, but that could get a bit long. So with that, just saying that I am a blessed woman who appreiciates each day I get to spend with this precious man God sent to me. I love you sweetie! Here's to many more years to come!
Tuesday, May 1, 2007
So often I find myself sitting in amazement of my Heavenly Father's tender care of me. I am going through some tough family situations with my parents and siblings right now and there are times it just gets weary. I dread the drama. I don't want to add to it and yet somehow I get wrapped up in the middle before I know it. Then I fall on my knees seeking God's guidance only to be filled with His gift of undying love for me. I am reminded of what He sacrificed and why and that humbles me to no end. Who am I to get so worked up over what others are doing "to" me when I have wronged God in so many worse ways and He always greets me with open arms and encouragement. Why do I think that I need to be different than He? Am I so much better that I deserve to be treated better than I treat God or is it time this poor woman realizes that I need to treat my loving, heavenly Father with the love, respect and honor He more than deserves? Certainly I am not better than God ....I am no were near Him. He is perfect, Holy and worthy of such honor. I am a sinner, saved by grace given to me by God through the death of His son on a cross. I think that it is time I sit up, take note of who I put as the top priority in my life and adjust the list as needed. For right now, it is obvious that God is not the center...my emotions and family are. I will sit and read my loving Father's love letter to me as I let the words soak into my heart and make the changes I so desperately need to make. I am grateful that God loves me in spite of my ugliness and hurtful thoughts. I am so blessed to have a loving Father who knows my heart desires and looks to bring those to fruitition as I learn to place all of my life in His precious hands. He knows better than I ever could imagine what can happen when I let go and let Him lead me.