Lately I have been a bit discouraged or disheartened in situations and circumstances that have occurred regarding this touchy area of modesty and purity. After pondering some of the issues and discussing it with a dear friend, I am still perplexed by society's lack of desire to protect young people in this area. Let me share my heart in this area and then I am really anxious to hear what others have to say.
I think when I grew up I did not fully understand the entire modesty thing at all. I viewed it as the prude attire I suppose. What I have since learned over time is that being modest is not at all about the style clothes you wear or the cut of the clothes but the radar of what is going on in your heart. When we are truly sold out for God, suddenly we realize everything we do is a reflection of that decision. If a young lady says she is a believer yet is dressed in skimpy spaghetti strap tanks that allow the boys in her youth group to catch a glimpse of her cleavage is she fully understanding what God is asking of her? God does not want us to cover up from head to toe and never show skin. That is not what I mean. What I mean is that by dressing that way two things have happened: one is that she has drawn attention to herself for her body instead of for her heart. two is that she has now caused her fellow brother(s) in Christ to stumble in the area of temptation. Same is true if it is a boy dressing to impress. The way we dress has so much to do with our heart. So I wonder, are you dressing to impress others or God? What message am I sending to others in the way I dress? Am I honoring God through it or am I trying to gain attention from others?
With that issue of modesty comes purity. The two really are intertwined. I think I am so passionate about it now because I did not live it when I was a young woman. I did not understand how what I wore sent messages to young men and gave them the "incentive" or "permission" to treat me a certain way. I do not want to send a message to men today that I want them looking at me in a way that was designed for only my husband. I want my husband to have that longing in his eyes when he sees me but not any guy on the street or even sitting next to me at church. Society wants girls to get attention by what they wear. The tighter the tops the better. The shorter the shorts and skirts the better. Let the world see what is under the clothes without ever taking them off. But then something happens. Your mind starts to think, well I've already shown it through my clothes why not share it too. It starts with innocent young girls being dressed in clothes that are mimics of older teens. Don't get me started on bathing suits! I am not pointing fingers about something that I have not lived. I am writing from the heart of a woman who chose to dress to impress as a teen. I craved the attention. I sought after that rather than God's heart in my life. To this day, I deal with ramifications of those choices and it all starts in your mind and heart. If we think we can dress our girls in bikinis and mini skirts and have them stay pure until God intended, we are foolish. Teaching them to be reverent to God first, seek after His heart always and to be respectful of the audience is a way to at least slow down some of the hormones. Our girls are not responsible for what boys do but they can cause a fellow brother in Christ to stumble by dressing inappropriately. How can anyone be expected to sit through a sermon seated next to a young thing wearing a tight, short dress that allows them to imagine what is underneath? And why are we shocked to hear of young girls being sexually active when they are encouraged to dress in a way to draw attention for that and then given opportunity to be alone with boys/young men? What did we really think would happen?
Ok, I know I am on a soapbox that really is very personal for me. I don't point my decisions in life to what I wore at all. That is not my message. What I try to explain to my girls is that wearing a bikini or slinky dress or whatever, is really not evil at all. It just is not. However, the heart behind why you want to wear it is. When I wore my little bikinis and dresses what was going on in my heart and head? I wanted to draw attention to my body. As a Christian woman, I should want to draw attention to my heart so that others would seek my God. That is hard to do when they are looking at me and imagining things that are only for my husband. With that said, anyone who knows me knows this is not an issue for me now because I'm not the same size I once was, but sometimes I think that weight has become my security to not struggle in this area any longer. My desire now is to honor God with all I do...now my goal is to rebuild his "temple"...my body. As I learn more and more about my God, I see how not honoring him by not taking care of my body is just as sinful as not honoring him in the way I present myself to others. That discussion will have to wait for another day. So, I would love to hear where you have found ways to be modest in dress yet still look nice for your husband. I love my lounge pants and t-shirts on any day but let's face it....those don't say much to our men.
1 comment:
Well, said. I could write a book back, but know that I think you did good. It's not a soap box either. I've said that too when talking about Biblical things and I realized it's not a soapbox. We are speaking from our hearts just like everyone else.
We do honor God in all things, even in how we dress. And you were right on when you pointed out that when us girls wear something that is going to obviously catch the eye of males, and not in a 'oh, she is a beautiful person' way , but a 'ooh la la' way - then you are causing them to stumble as well. So - good post!
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