What a Difference a Day or Two Makes....

A couple days ago, I was wallowing in my own selfishness and pity really. Then today, after my daughter had a wonderful choir performance, we got the call that flips the switch immediately. My husband's grandma, the woman we named our oldest daughter after, had collapsed and not responding to CPR. We rushed from DQ leaving our girls with my parents. Thoughts of my time with Gaga Rachel raced through my mind. I was sad for me, but more so for my husband and mostly for my girls. We are so blessed to have a family that lives close to each other. Gaga Rachel use to stop by when Matt and I lived around the corner from her. She would bring pies or yummy food to share.

She stopped by to see her great-granddaughter when we first brought Doodle home. Then when she was 86, we adopted Bean. I was taking Doodle to Bible Study Fellowship at the time and hated to stop going. So I asked her to help me watch the new baby. She would drive over to stay with the baby for a couple hours while we went to BSF. This gave Bean and Gaga Rachel such a close bond. She did this for two years! Can you imagine! I know that she adored being able to help me but I think she just loved seeing that little girls' eyes light up when she saw her Gaga Rachel.

Tonight, I saw a new look in my girls eyes. Bravery. When we got to her apartment, it was too late. She had already gone home to be with her Jesus. So I called my parents and asked if they would bring the girls to us. We wanted to tell them and give them a chance to see her if they wanted, but we didn't want to force them to. Everyone grieves so differently. So, while Doodle chose to wait until the funeral, which I expected from both of them fully, Bean wanted to see her Gaga Rachel again. We warned her about what she would see and prayed with her. When she went in, her eyes came across Gaga Rachel's pale face. She knew she was gone. She knew that was not her Gaga. She cried and hugged us. But she stayed close to that room. She did not want to leave. She asked if she could have the picture of the two of them on her birthday and we willingly gave it to her. That is her Gaga Rachel, not the shell of a body she just saw.

As others arrived, still Bean stood by close to the room. I see this child in a new light tonight. She is trying to soak it all in and I know we will have many tough days ahead as we all try to process this loss. However, tonight, I see a strength in her that is far beyond her 8 years of age. So, I am sure I will have more posts on how we all are coping, but for now, I just wanted to post these thoughts and this picture Bean is sleeping with tonight as she holds her blankie Gaga Rachel made her 8 years ago:

Bean and her Gaga Rachel~ Best Buddies