After much thought and prayer, this question, "where do you think your parents failed" is not so easy to answer. Let me say this right off, I adore my parents. They are two of the most lovely people I know. They have shown me not only an amazing love for the Lord but also an amazing gift of strong marriage my entire life. When I stop to consider what they did as we were growing up, I am so in awe of how they went back to school with three kids and got their masters. I just struggle in doing school with my kids let alone for me! I love the special times we had together camping, swimming, with them as our youth group leaders. All of that and so much more, molded me into who I am today. With that said, I do not believe my parents failed at all. They did the job God had them to do and did it well. I feel I failed as a teen. I chose rebellion. I chose to be sneaky. I chose to lie. I chose to chase after things I knew would leave me feeling empty. I will not pass off my stepping away from the faith onto my parents. That is so wrong in my eyes. What I chose to do is my own sin nature and not their lack of parenting, in my opinion.
Now, are there things they would do differently if they were to do it again? Absolutely! I know my mom has said that there are things they know now that if they knew then would have changed what they did. I feel the same way. One example would be in the area of understanding protecting my heart for my husband. I thought that meant sexual purity but emotional purity is just as important. Guarding our hearts is not just about saying no to sex. Having a plan and action steps to take in protecting your heart as a teen is vital. I know we discuss this with our girls often. How do you handle foul language around you? bad movies? inappropriate talk? etc. Knowing what you will do in these situations helps kids be successful. Talking about it is the best defense.
I regret that I did not heed instruction of my parents but in no way do I feel they failed with passing along the information they had at the time. I feel I needed to sink in this area so I could lead up the young women God has in my home now and share it with my nieces and sweet friends girls as well. God will use what you go through to strengthen you so He can use you to strengthen others. So now, I am passionate about young girls guarding their hearts for God's plan. Don't allow a sweet word, kind gesture, cute face to cause you to let your guard down and have regrets later. I can assure you it is not worth it. God's plan is so much better and the rewards are amazing! :) You are worth more than a teen fling! Guard your hearts girls!
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
1 comment:
I like your answer, Jane Ann, a lot. While I'm sure your parents made mistakes and sure you wish they'd done things differently you realize that as a teen you had a certain amount of room for choice and responsibility.
That is the point I hoped to clarify. We can perform as Godly as possible in our efforts of raising our children but we are not the only ones responsible for the outcome. There will be times when our children will fail their God. They will fail us. They will fail themselves. There will be times when we are the ones who have failed.
The importance isn't the blame it is in accepting circumstances and responding in love and in moving forward with grace and humility.
We are at that crucial point where it is time for us to relinquish more and more of our responsibility to our 16 year old son. Better that we do so now while we may still guide him than so suddenly once he leaves the nest. I yearn for the easy days of infancy when all one had to do was provide care and love. Providing advice and standing in the sidelines, observing their steps into adulthood isn't easy. I think the hardest part of patenting will be allowing them to make mistakes and learn from them while being present to help but not outright demanding they do what you know will garner a better outcome.
Hugs to you as you continue on the road of parenting, friend.
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