Recently, it seems I keep coming into conversations or am asked my opinion on some boy/girl situation with young teens. Who is asking...the mom of the girl usually. I have to say, as a mom of two girls, one 14 and one 11, I don't get what some of these moms are talking about at all. They describe times of long trips together, overnighters,spending holidays together, encouraging this couple to be together as much as possible and all the while there is mom snapping photos to display proudly. It gets me thinking....who is really living out this situation...is it the young teen girl or is mom living vicariously through this little girl?
This is a hot button for me and I will apologize now to any who are offended by my words for this is not intended to be directed at any specific person but a mindset of my generation of moms. So, if you are offended, stop reading now because I am sure my next words will really honk you off. Sorry, but I feel very passionately about our job as moms to protect our girls hearts. That does not mean to keep them in a bubble. Absolutely not! They are only young once and the future holds lots of opportunities to decide what kind of MAN they want to live life with or spend time with but at 14/15, there is no way they are comfortable in their own skin enough to jump into a serious relationship and come out unchanged and unharmed. I see it happen over an over again....The girl starts liking what he likes. She starts wondering what she should wear to make him happy. She starts or stops saying certain things because he doesn't like it.She does her make up or hair a certain way. She wakes thinking of him and goes to sleep thinking of him. Come on! At 14/15 the only one she should be trying to please is God!
Why is this such a hot button for me? Because I did not heed my parents instructions as a teen. I did go crazy over guys and I changed who I was depending on who I was with. I became what they wanted me to become and I regret that. I hurt friends over a guy. I chose a guy over God most of my teen years. I became dependent on a guy in my life to feel complete. I lost Jane Ann. As I hate that I chose man over God as a teen and I want to protect my girls from making that same choice. I think the world wants us to be believe that having a boyfriend/girlfriend at 13 is normal. That there is no harm done. I think if you ask most women about their past heartaches, they would say something different. Why give so much of yourself to this teenage boy when God will never leave you nor forsake you? Why spend so much time getting to know this boy instead of pouring yourself into getting to know who God made you to be and what He wants of you? Why not get to know your passions and your strengths before you step out to share a life with a guy? When the time is right, when God has your heart where He wants it, He will lead you to meet someone special. Until then, why not focus on Him?
I tell my girls, Jesus should be the love of her life. The only opinion that matters truly is his. Learning to hear is voice is what will get you through everything in life. So if I want them to learn that, why would I allow hormones to take over and risk losing who God intended her to become by jumping into relationships too soon? As their moms, it is our job to step in and slow things down to help guard their hearts. Yes, it is normal and healthy to find someone attractive or special. Yes, it is normal and healthy to want to spend time with them. Where our generation has crossed the line is in this need to push them together and almost treat them as if they were married before they are even out of 9th grade! They are still our girls and we need to make sure we are doing our job as parents and not trying to be their friends yet. That is a gift of doing the parenting thing well. For now, we are to make healthy boundaries and listen to all that God is doing in their lives while encouraging them to become that young woman God has in store for them. We are not to be dressing them to please this boy, encouraging her to do her hair a certain way or act a certain way to get more attention. It feels as if some moms are trying to sell their daughters off instead of protect the for the one they will marry. So, I will step off my soapbox now and trust me, I could say more. Please, if this struck a nerve with you, ask yourself why? Is it because you agree with me or is it because you need to make some changes in your thinking or do you just think I am nuts? Whatever the reason, at least it gives us all something to think about.
2 comments:
Jane Ann, this begs the tough question "Where do you think your parents failed?"
I feel much the same as you. Your parents couldn't make you put that into action though. We can't and I don't think we should make our children.
I'm finding the toughest days of parenting are ahead of us. I think each day of parenting has become tougher. Oh, for the days of infanthood...when living and caring for them was easy.
Well done, my friend. It is a such a delicate balance between protecting our babies and letting them grow up. However, the choices that our young adults make in their teens can affect the rest of their lives. If they give up pieces of their hearts now, there will be regret later.
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