The Bell Sheep

I have been reading an amazing book by Elizabeth George called Raising a Daughter After God's Own Heart.  I am getting great ideas and truly remarkable confirmation on some of the ideas we have used in raising our two gems this far. One thing she has really got me thinking on a lot is the thought of being a "bell sheep" to my girls. What? I prefer to never be compared to any farm animals thank you! :) But as I read further, suddenly, I could not stop thanking God for making me the bell sheep for my girls. Let me explain. 


A shepherd will watch for the sheep that stays closest to him naturally. The one that hears his voice and responds immediately. The one that feels his presence and goes to be with him. The one that walks beside him wherever he goes. Then he will place a bell around that sheep so to call the other sheep to him. Do you get that? He places a bell around the sheep to beckon the other sheep to follow the shepherd. Amazing! I am thrilled to say that this momma will be beckoning my girls to their Good Shepherd in all we do. I am so happy to have that visual picture in my brain as I think about what I do each day. Am I leading my girls to the shepard? Are my words? Are my activities? Do I speak to them about their shepard? Do I run to Him and show them that is where their safety remains? I pray as my girls follow me, they are lead directly to Christ.

I have to say....I've never looked so good! LOL!!

Walking Through Life With Friends

The Perkins and Miller Girls

This past few weeks has been a truly humbling time in my life as well as such a time of faith building. I have witnessed things I never want to see again. Talked about things I never wish on my worst enemy and experienced things I will never forget. In the midst of those experiences, stands a stronger faith that God is sovereign and amazingly gracious. Let me explain a bit more.

On June 25th, I received a phone call from a dear friend of mine, Kim, around 10pm. She was emotionless as she explained that her sweet husband had been in a terrible car accident earlier that day and she was on her way to Toledo, Ohio where he was lifelined to a hospital there. My heart sank once I realized she truly was serious. Her lack of emotion at that time made me think she was trying to pull a prank on me until I realized she was in shock. She was in wife mode...got to get there...not thinking about herself at all. I called a friend who would pray with me through the night for Derek and Kim. I sent emails to friends who knew them and asked for prayers. And then I waited....I read scripture...I prayed....I texted her to keep updated on what was happening. It became apparent to me very quickly that God wanted me to be by her side. So, the next morning,  I asked my husband who naturally told me to go. So I called her and offered, she accepted and I left that day.

The next few days are so foggy in my mind. We spent hours in a waiting room with people we do not know. All of which were a part of this horrible "club" called ICU. The hopelessness in that room was so thick you could cut it with a knife. I knew why God sent me. I was to share the hope we have in Christ and remind Kim to hold strong to that when she feels those waves of emotion rise...which they will...and they did. I do not know how to explain the feeling of watching a friend at death's door. I do not know how to explain the feeling of watching the wife of a friend at death's door. Truly, the experience has changed how I look at the relationships in my own home, with my siblings, other friends. I won't go into detail about what happened each day, as I truly can not recall what happened when. I will share some of the amazing God stories later in my blog as we continue to walk with these friends on the journey God has called them to take.

But one thing I know for sure is that nothing here on earth matters when you are sitting in that room waiting to hear if your husband will make it through the night. Nothing matters when you are waiting to figure out if your man will ever be the same...or will your girls ever have their daddy again. Nothing matters when you ache for the touch of his hand, the smell of his sweaty running clothes, the laugh that echoes the house. Nothing matters when you realize that God may be asking you to lay it all down for Him. The ache is real. The ache is deep.  The ache permeates every cell in your body and your body fights it.

What I know matters at that moment is a faith that holds fast. A faith that remains firmly rooted in scripture. A faith that binds hearts together with the Almighty and bids Him to come reveal Himself to you as you deal with this new ache. A faith that God is not just going to show up but He will do as He promised and He will be found faithful. A faith that no matter how ugly the emotions, God will walk through this with you and send you those who will walk with you. God is truly showing me what it means to be a friend who loves unconditionally. A friend who digs in and gets dirty with emotional junk or whatever is needed. A friend who loves at all times...just like we are asked to be.

As I pray over this situation and see God's hand all over it, I stand amazed at the strength of my friend, Kim. In her, I see God's grace and mercy exhibited in human form. She stood beside her husband's bedside, reading scripture into his ear, talking to him consistently...beckoning him back to the family.She was a rock when she was with him.  He held on to her every word. There were times of tears running down as she read scriptures to him or told stories about the girls. We saw a grimace of either laughter or crying at times. He connected to her on a spiritual level and fought to be back with this family.

Kim has been a role model for me as she walks this journey. She is not done. She is not perfect. She is angry at times. She gets upset at why this had to happen. But she is real. She lays it out before God and gives it all to Him.. She seeks comfort in Him alone. I felt we were living the Bible story of Moses and the Amalekites all over again. (Exodus 17) As long as Moses kept his arms up, they would defeat their enemy. So he kept them up but grew weary. When he was weary, his friends held his arms up to defeat that enemy. Truly, Kim held Derek's arms up when she was with him. She helped him defeat this injury and continues to do so. However, when she is away from  him, it is our turn to hold her arms up to defeat the enemy and keep her fit for the next battle. I am honored to hold her arms up.  


 I pray for her to have the desires of her heart....her sweet husband back home in full capacity...to hold her, laugh with her, talk to her about life and be the daddy to those girls he adores. I want her to have her best friend at home and I pray God will give her the desires of her heart quicker than we ever dreamed. However, if that is not His Will, we will continue this walk beside our friends no matter where God leads us all.

This song was shared with me by a friend of Kim's. 

Kind of perfect for what we are walking through. 

A Belated Tribute for Father's Day :)

Life around here has been crazy busy so I am so behind in posting on here. However, I figure it is never too late to take a few moments to update this thing and let those I adore know it! :)  I am blessed to have two sweet men in my life to honor on Father's Day, my sweet dad and my precious husband. This year I am just taking some time to honor my dad....the first man I ever loved. Here is a post I wrote about him a few years back. It all still stands true! Love you, Dad!

What is it about walking down memory lane that is so sweet? Maybe it is taking the time to really remember those moments we cherish. Maybe it is the photos we have not seen in years that allow the emotions to flood back in and cause our hearts to swell. I'm not sure, but I do know that I love Wednesdays for this very reason.

Today's walk down memory lane for me has no official photo, yet it is so vivid in my memory. I am the middle child in a family of three children. I am the first girl. My dad was my hero most of my life. He still is a man I admire greatly. I have since learned that my heavenly Father is the only one I should hold up to the standard of true hero, but as a child, my daddy was number one.

Some of my favorite memories as a young girl are of time spent sitting on my dad's lap, playing games with him, listening to him talk like Donald Duck so long it made my sides hurt from laughing and watching him with my mom. Above all else, my favorite memory of my dad as a child, will always be walking or dancing on his feet before bed. There did not need to be music, he would either hum his own or our laughter would be enough. My little sister would be there as well, since we shared a room. We would take turns hopping on his "enormous' feet and going for a swirl. How safe I felt standing on his feet, in his arms, while we twirled or stomped up the stairs together. The joy of that moment is precious to me still to this day.

Fast forward 30 years or more, I still adore my daddy and the relationship he has with my mom. I still love spending time with him playing games. I still fall to pieces laughing hearing him talk like Donald Duck. However, there is no more dancing on his feet as I would seriously cause the man pain! So where do I go for this same feeling I once had as a young girl? I run to my heavenly father. I picture me jumping up on His feet, holding his hand, wrapping my other arm around him tightly and twirling with delight. The safety returns. The joy sweeps in. I pray I never get "too old" to dance on my Abba Daddy's feet nor to remember how that makes me feel. As I walk down memory lane today, I am grateful for the Daddy I was given on earth who took time to show me a glimpse of God's love in the way he loved and tenderly cared for his little girl. This dance is for you, Dad.

Sweet Friends

Doodle has a natural gift for "playing" with younger kiddos. She just loves to escape into their imagination world with them and help them create wonderful places to visit each time they play. This comes in very handy as she is babysitting more now. She loves playing with the kids and not just sitting there telling them what to do which is a gift and a reason she is called often to watch friends' children. There are several kids who touch her heart, one little guy who has dimples that never end and is way too cute, another who loves to show her  the new moves she knows from ballet and many others. However, there is one little girl who has a tugs her heartstrings everytime she walks into a room and hears the little girl squeal her name and come running! 

The two of them are ten years apart and in normal situations that would seem odd. But the blessing of homeschooling your kids is that they learn to be with all ages and not feel odd. Doodle knows she is a role model to the younger kids she plays with and she takes that seriously. 

She loves helping them learn more about how to treat each other and how to follow God in all they do. I am grateful that Doodle takes her role seriously and that she already has little ones who look up to her. She works hard to be the role model that leads them straight to the foot of the cross and to Jesus. I am honored to watch her and see how much she truly does shine for Him. 

It is fun to watch your child be the helper now. It is also weird. I remember her being the little girl looking up to an older friend not all that long ago. But now, it is her turn. I am thrilled to see her being such a diligent little special friend to many of the kids she babysits. I am also thrilled to see her enjoy being that special friend to one little girl right now who thinks she hangs the moon. :) As she begins a new venture...teaching some of these sweet girls ballet this summer, I can't help but think there will be even more little girls looking up to her and I have to say, I totally see why...she amazes me too! (but I tend to be a bit biased! :)

Mom's Legacy

In honor of Mother's Day, I thought I would take time to post about my mom. I am thrilled to have had a mom who loved me enough to tell me no, make me tell her where I was and had the audacity to call to double check! I am thankful I had a mom who loved me enough to teach me manners, hold me accountable when I was wrong and let me feel the sting of wrong choices. I am thankful I had a mom who made me try new things and not stay in my comfort zone all the time. I am thankful I had a mom who loved  me enough to be my mom when I needed it and now my friend! I am thankful I had a mom who taught me how to be a better mom today. Thanks mom! I love you! In honor of you, today I repost this earlier post all about your precious legacy! 

Originally posted March 18, 2009

This is my beautiful mom with my Gram.

I think some of the most precious memories for me with my mom as a child would be: walking with her,listening to her read, and watching her pray. Let me explain more.

When my mom walks, the woman walks fast! You have to keep up. But I remember very vividly her getting ready to take off and always her hand would come down and she would take our hand into hers. Off we would go at the speed of light! Truly, she walks fast, always has and always will I think. She knew we couldn't keep up without her help. She didn't want to leave us behind either.

My mom taking her grand-daughters arm to guide her down the stairs.

My mom's gentle guidance allowed us to meet her expectation. Just having her hand helping me, let me know I could make it. I also remember holding her hand through church and playing with her long nails. There is something about your moms hands that just bring a sense of calm. Isn't that true for us now? When we are feeling fearful, worried, sad and we go to our heavenly Father, when we begin to feel His hand on us our in our situation we can feel the calm seep in.

Mom holding hands and walking with her 8 grandchildren on the beach.

Secondly, hearing my mom read to me was precious to me. I remember sitting up on her lap and rocking away the day as she sat and read story after story to me. That made me think, would I do the same for my kids? Would I sit in that chair long enough to give my child the security and enjoyment they needed before my hopping up and running off to do a chore?

Later on, my mom made memories without meaning to by reading books that have great meaning in my life still today. At Christmas time, my mom read to us the story A Certain Small Shepherd. It was a story about a boy who could not speak becoming a shepherd in the school play. Sounds simple, yet when my mom read the part where the boy speaks for the first time, didn't matter if it was the first time or the 15th, she would tear up. Same thing happened when she read, Did You Carry the Flag Today, Charlie? I sadly recall making fun of her at that time and regret that. For in those moments of tenderness, we saw a side of our mom that was often not seen through daily life. You see, now as a mom, I totally get that I have to be the strong mom all day long in order to get the things done that need done. But when you get lost in a story, or a certain situation brings you to tears, we show our kids the tender side of ourselves that they need to see. God does this for us as well. Yes, God is our Lord of Lords, King of Kings, Mighty and worthy of great praise. Yet in the same breath, he is also our Abba Father, who is tender and loving. We need to show both to our kids as well.

My mom still enjoys reading to her grandchildren.

The one thing I remember most about my mom to this day would be her prayer life and growth throughout the years. When I was little, my mom was a different woman that she is now. Through obedience and seeking God, she changed right before our eyes. There was a time when I was probably a teenager or right around there, when my parents grew in their faith tremendously. During that time, I recall vividly walking down the stairs each morning to find my mom on her knees before the couch, face down in the seat, praying. At that time, again, I regret joking with her about falling....but now, how precious. This memory is a vivid reminder to me of where she was able to get her strength and tenderness. Without God, she would not have been able to do her job as a mom. I thank my mom for many things. Most of all for showing me as a young girl that time with your children is more important than chores, guiding your child through life begins with a hand reaching out, showing tenderness allows our kids to see a side of us that they need to know and most of all that we are never so close to God that we should stop growing.

My mom having all of us circle around and pray before leaving the beach.

As a mom myself, I think I hold these things more closely now than I ever have. I know there are special memories of my mom with me that I don't want to share with the world, but I am so grateful that I had/have a mom who was invested in her children and was willing to show this young girl how to be a mom who loves God first. Now, I get to be the mom reaching for my child's hand as we walk, tear up in stories, and pray continually. Thank you for showing me the way, Mom.

My favorite picture of my parents: walking the beach with all 8 grandkids.
My mom holding the smallest ones hand, so she can keep up. Precious!

Update:After posting this today, my girls and I went out for a walk/bike ride. Doodle and I walked while Bean rode her bike. She took the camera with her in her little basket in case we found anything fun. While she was riding behind us, she snapped this picture. While I am never excited about getting my picture taken, I really don't like to have it taken from this angle. :) However, it reminded me of what I just wrote about. Here we are holding hands, talking and walking along. Just like my mom did with me. Thanks mom!

Are You Speaking My Language?

Recently, my husband has taken over the office from his dad, who owned it for almost 50 years. This transition in our life has been a blessing but also has brought many new things to deal with and learn together. One thing I noticed right away is Matt brings more of the office home with him now. He wears it on his face...I know that sounds weird but I see his concerns in his eyes. He doesn't share all that is going on but I know he worries about keeping everything going and not "sinking the ship" so to speak. It is a lot to carry for a guy. So, as his loving family, the girls and I decided to be creative and celebrate him one evening. We cleaned up the house, made a nice dinner, put scripture on note cards around the house to help him remember what is true. We posted notes of encouragement around the house to remind him who loves him.  The girls drew on the driveway with sidewalk chalk, welcoming him home. They even posted a poster on the door with all the things they love about their daddy. All of that was great to do together with my girls.

 My sweet man looking relieved and too cute. :)

Upon his arrival home, he looked over the stuff, said thanks, gave the polite kisses and headed out to mow. I stopped him and was almost offended at his lack of response. When I questioned his response later, his words stuck with me...and he meant them with all the respect in the world..no disrespect at all, but he said, " I love what you guys did. It was great, but that is your love language, Janie. If you want to lessen my stress, mow the grass for me. That is a way you could show  your love to me right now." (which is what I asked him by the way..."how can we best show you we appreciate what you are doing and we love you")

Hmmm....most women and even I would have as a younger wife, would be angry at his response and his gentle reply. However, after almost 21 years of marriage, I was suddenly hit with that awareness that he was absolutely correct! I am very good at leaving notes around for him or calling/texting him what is going on or how we feel about him. That is because it is MY love language...words and touch.

He is a guy of service. His heart is to serve others. Any of his friends could attest to the fact if they need something done, Matt is their guy. He shows love to his family and friends  by doing things for them. He goes to get gas in my van when it is late at night so I won't have to. He picks up dinner when we have had a rough day and he knows I am wiped out. He takes the girls out and lets me have a couple hours of quiet when he sees that look in my eye each spring with homeschooling. He sends me out with my friends and takes over stuff at home when he knows I need to laugh. He will drive anywhere for anything to get whatever we need just because he loves us. So, when he is mowing the grass, doing yard work, folding laundry it is not just a task to check off the list for him. It is his way of displaying his love for us.

So, with that revelation, what did I do? I started mowing. And if you know me at all, you would know I HATE mowing. I only do it out of the pure dedication and love I have for my husband. And now with the lack of our riding mower....my love has a stronger chance to bubble up as I push the entire lawn. :) With every pass of the mower, I try to spend those moments praying for Matt. You know what, that makes it worth it. I still hate it but when I realize how blessed he feels in coming home to it being done and I see some of the weight off his shoulders right now...well, I am happy to do it. (And happy to teach the girls how to do it too)  Now I should say I am praying God shows up in a mighty way and fixes our riding mower though! LOL! Until then, you will see me walking back and forth. Don't be offended if you wave and I don't see you or you yell and I don't hear you. I will be praying for my man...and claiming every single thought to remember that while it feels like a chore to me, in his language it is pure love. :)

This is love to my sweet man...may not be my language but blessed to be able to speak his. :)

Honoring Your Parents

I know we all have heard one of the commandments is to honor your mother and father. That is one I think all of our parents are quick to teach us as a child. :) But this past week, I was able to join in as one of my daughters sweet friends was able to honor her sweet mom by throwing her a surprise birthday party.

 Her mom is a dear friend of mine and I adored being able to spend time with her daughter and watching her work. It amazed me at how much detail this 10 year old little girl went into with the planning. When I picked her up to go shopping for things, she had a list ready. She knew the stores she needed to hit and what she wanted. When I dropped my oldest daughter off to "babysit" for her birthday dinner out with her husband, I actually was getting her out of the house so we all could decorate. Even in decorating this little gal had plans and knew just what she wanted to do. It was precious. 

 She had the balloons ready. The cake ordered from a mutual friend and we had purchased plates and such the day before. So everything was set up and then she waited....or maybe more like paced. :)

 She could not wait to see her mom's face. She kept looking out to see if they were returning from their special dinner. And when she finally saw their van, she greeted them on the street! :)

 When mom finally got out of the van, she was so thrilled! She had no idea and was truly blessed by all the people that were standing in her garage. At first, I was so happy to see her joy and excitement but then I shifted my glance to her daughter.

 There stood a sweet girl gazing at her momma with such adoration and love that it truly touched my heart. I know this picture doesn't do that moment justice but both of my friends girls were totally captivated by her at that moment.

 When she finally got to hug her mom, the total unconditional love she felt showed across her sweet face. I was truly touched and so happy to have been a part of this sweet fragrance of a child's love and honoring a parent.

 A few things I pulled away from this little life lesson:
   1.) Whether we realize it or not, our children are watching us and learning how to honor one another by what we teach. This young girl displayed back to her mom what was taught to her. It was beautiful. So, am I displaying such grace and love to my girls?

  2.) I loved the way this sweet girl looked at her momma with such adoration and respect. How are my girls looking at me? What do I need to erase from my life to allow more moments of honoring my parents and girls? Am I teaching them to honor one another?

 3.) Most of all, do I look at my Heavenly Father with the same longing and love as this young girl looked at her momma? Do I yearn to run into His arms and feel that peace and comfort only He can bring? Do I honor Him with all I do?

I am sure there will be more things I walk away from this sweet moment, but I know one thing for sure...if any of my girls' friends ever ask me to help them with doing something to honor their parents...well, you can count me in!