Recently, it seems I keep coming into conversations or am asked my opinion on some boy/girl situation with young teens. Who is asking...the mom of the girl usually. I have to say, as a mom of two girls, one 14 and one 11, I don't get what some of these moms are talking about at all. They describe times of long trips together, overnighters,spending holidays together, encouraging this couple to be together as much as possible and all the while there is mom snapping photos to display proudly. It gets me thinking....who is really living out this situation...is it the young teen girl or is mom living vicariously through this little girl?
This is a hot button for me and I will apologize now to any who are offended by my words for this is not intended to be directed at any specific person but a mindset of my generation of moms. So, if you are offended, stop reading now because I am sure my next words will really honk you off. Sorry, but I feel very passionately about our job as moms to protect our girls hearts. That does not mean to keep them in a bubble. Absolutely not! They are only young once and the future holds lots of opportunities to decide what kind of MAN they want to live life with or spend time with but at 14/15, there is no way they are comfortable in their own skin enough to jump into a serious relationship and come out unchanged and unharmed. I see it happen over an over again....The girl starts liking what he likes. She starts wondering what she should wear to make him happy. She starts or stops saying certain things because he doesn't like it.She does her make up or hair a certain way. She wakes thinking of him and goes to sleep thinking of him. Come on! At 14/15 the only one she should be trying to please is God!
Why is this such a hot button for me? Because I did not heed my parents instructions as a teen. I did go crazy over guys and I changed who I was depending on who I was with. I became what they wanted me to become and I regret that. I hurt friends over a guy. I chose a guy over God most of my teen years. I became dependent on a guy in my life to feel complete. I lost Jane Ann. As I hate that I chose man over God as a teen and I want to protect my girls from making that same choice. I think the world wants us to be believe that having a boyfriend/girlfriend at 13 is normal. That there is no harm done. I think if you ask most women about their past heartaches, they would say something different. Why give so much of yourself to this teenage boy when God will never leave you nor forsake you? Why spend so much time getting to know this boy instead of pouring yourself into getting to know who God made you to be and what He wants of you? Why not get to know your passions and your strengths before you step out to share a life with a guy? When the time is right, when God has your heart where He wants it, He will lead you to meet someone special. Until then, why not focus on Him?
I tell my girls, Jesus should be the love of her life. The only opinion that matters truly is his. Learning to hear is voice is what will get you through everything in life. So if I want them to learn that, why would I allow hormones to take over and risk losing who God intended her to become by jumping into relationships too soon? As their moms, it is our job to step in and slow things down to help guard their hearts. Yes, it is normal and healthy to find someone attractive or special. Yes, it is normal and healthy to want to spend time with them. Where our generation has crossed the line is in this need to push them together and almost treat them as if they were married before they are even out of 9th grade! They are still our girls and we need to make sure we are doing our job as parents and not trying to be their friends yet. That is a gift of doing the parenting thing well. For now, we are to make healthy boundaries and listen to all that God is doing in their lives while encouraging them to become that young woman God has in store for them. We are not to be dressing them to please this boy, encouraging her to do her hair a certain way or act a certain way to get more attention. It feels as if some moms are trying to sell their daughters off instead of protect the for the one they will marry. So, I will step off my soapbox now and trust me, I could say more. Please, if this struck a nerve with you, ask yourself why? Is it because you agree with me or is it because you need to make some changes in your thinking or do you just think I am nuts? Whatever the reason, at least it gives us all something to think about.
Sunday, January 8, 2012
Thursday, January 5, 2012
Fearsome Foursome
The Fearsome Foursome at the lake house 2011
Driving away from my girls today, as I dropped them off at their cousins, I could not stop thinking what a true gift it is as a child to have so many cousins who enjoy each other and want to spend time together. My girls are blessed to have 8 cousins (6 on my side and 2 on Matt's) who they love to get to see during any break from school. This time, it is with Matt's side. These four truly just want to be together as often as they can and giggle most the time they spend together.
should fear....I think!
summer....way too fun!
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
Taming the Techno Bug
It's official...we have a bug floating through our home. We all have manage to catch it this season. As hard as we try, there are times a bug just gets hold of you and takes you down. This time, it is not the flu bug, instead it is the technology bug! That one is even harder to get rid of at times. With the purchase of new technology toys for Christmas, our entire family starts feeling the pull to those items. Of course, we can say some of the toys encourage play together and I do agree. However, I feel the bug has started to take over our lives and we all need a good detox from some of it. Between phones, iPods, tv , laptops, Wii, etc, we spend so much of out time with "things" I begin to wonder how I can break this pull. It is very helpful to know we are not alone in this struggle. We have many friends whose children can not take their faces away from the screens long enough to interact with family or friends. Since this is true in our home at times, me being just as guilty at times, I start wondering what can I do to break some of the pull to these things and instead have that pull be towards family and ultimately time with God or serving Him?
That question is one that I think is easier to ask than to solve. One thing I know I say often to my girls is that when that thing you are playing with becomes more important to you than your sibling/parents...it is gone. Our mission as a family is to be a light to the world and attract others for Christ, if that is true, we must be with people to do so. We can't be a light if our face is in a laptop all day long. We also desire to rid ourselves of any false idols in our life, including electronics. If it has become an idol, meaning you can't stop thinking about getting to play it or use it long enough to spend an evening with family or you talk about it non-stop when you are with others, then you need to give yourself a "time out" so to speak and not use it for a set amount of days.
I have to say that when Doodle got her iPod Touch last year, she was very good at monitoring when it got out of control. She would set up times where she would only play it on weekends for a bit. It helped her reign in that ugly beast. Whether it be the technology or toy beast, the one thing I have always said to my girls is that people are always more important than things and if we ever have anyone in our home who leaves feeling differently, we need to adjust our focus. So, with that focus, there will be less facebook for me, less Wii games and playing games on the computer for a bit as I get it all under control a bit more. I would much rather spend my days playing scrabble with my girls in person than with a stranger online anyway! :) And what about you? Your family? Are there any of you that need to have a little taming of the techno bug as well? It is not easy but it is so worth it as I see that with each step of becoming more disciplined in this area, our faith grows and our family gets closer. A huge bonus!
That question is one that I think is easier to ask than to solve. One thing I know I say often to my girls is that when that thing you are playing with becomes more important to you than your sibling/parents...it is gone. Our mission as a family is to be a light to the world and attract others for Christ, if that is true, we must be with people to do so. We can't be a light if our face is in a laptop all day long. We also desire to rid ourselves of any false idols in our life, including electronics. If it has become an idol, meaning you can't stop thinking about getting to play it or use it long enough to spend an evening with family or you talk about it non-stop when you are with others, then you need to give yourself a "time out" so to speak and not use it for a set amount of days.
I have to say that when Doodle got her iPod Touch last year, she was very good at monitoring when it got out of control. She would set up times where she would only play it on weekends for a bit. It helped her reign in that ugly beast. Whether it be the technology or toy beast, the one thing I have always said to my girls is that people are always more important than things and if we ever have anyone in our home who leaves feeling differently, we need to adjust our focus. So, with that focus, there will be less facebook for me, less Wii games and playing games on the computer for a bit as I get it all under control a bit more. I would much rather spend my days playing scrabble with my girls in person than with a stranger online anyway! :) And what about you? Your family? Are there any of you that need to have a little taming of the techno bug as well? It is not easy but it is so worth it as I see that with each step of becoming more disciplined in this area, our faith grows and our family gets closer. A huge bonus!
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
Gentleness Challenge
One of my favorite blogs to follow is WomenLivingWell. The challenges given during the year are amazing in building your marriage, digging deeper in God's Word as a woman, mom and wife, as well as yummy recipes. This week, she has thrown out a challenge for January. The challenge is called the Gentleness Challenge and is set up to start this year off with being more gentle with our children in our speech and our actions/attitudes. Wow! When I saw this, I thought, has she been listening in to our house? ha!
Truly, before our break from school, I had hit a place in parenting that was not pleasant. My girls were not responding to me as they usually do and I was just tired. I started snapping more than I usually do and next thing you know, it becomes second nature. Boo! So, I am jumping on this challenge and going to make every effort to be intentional with my words and tones with my girls. I want them to not only hear God's Words spoken in our home but feel the heart that goes with it. The only way they will soak that up is if what I am speaking about is what they are hearing and seeing through me daily. Ouch! So, question is, are you up for a challenge with me?
New Year....New Start
Wow!! It has been way too long since I have sat down to write on my blog. Recently, I had to really do some thinking about why I write and what is the purpose of the blog after someone questioned an earlier post. So, with much thought and prayer, I have decided that I know the answer now... I write my blog for many reasons, the main one is that I enjoy it! I love getting my thoughts down and seeing how God is using whatever is going on in my life to stretch me. When I journal that through my blog, I see His hand in all situations. It is amazing. Secondly, it is a gift to my girls...an insight into their momma. While they don't really read my blog now, one day they might. They can have access to these words written as they were growing up and know just what my heart was feeling as they experienced different phases of life. I think the prayers of a mom passed on to her kids is a good enough reason. Lastly, if my thoughts on the life experiences God has walked me through so far will help one other woman in a similar situation, than it is well worth it. So, with a new year and a fresh new look to my blog, I am excited to get back to doing what I love and seeing where God takes me on this journey this year. Hope you will follow along as we learn together!
Sunday, October 23, 2011
Glorifying God in Our Home
Recently, our pastor has had a sermon series on outrageous generosity. He has touched on many areas that have left me pondering over what God wants of our family. One week, we all worked at filling bags of food for Africa. I loved working next to my family and others to fulfill a need for families far away. One week, he challenged us on making a difference in our community by being Jesus on Christmas Sunday this year. Instead of sitting in church with fellow believers, reach out ot the community and make it a special day for them. That has me thinking about what our Christmas day might look like this year. I am so excited to see where God leads us.
Most recently, he has challenged us to consider how we can glorify God through the use of our home. He gave examples of having a widow over for dinner, allowing a down trodden family to stay with you, adopting a child, fostering a child, sponsering a child, hosting Bible Study, etc. That question has really stuck with me and has me reevaluting our schedules and choices.
Just when you think you are going to have to change something, God brings the answer to your doorstep!
I have been blessed with many sweet friends over the years. God has met different needs in my character through these friends. I have been blessed to share many good memories with them in our home. This month, a dear friend of mine had managed to hurt her back. She has 5 small kids. Her husband travels with work at times and managed to be out of town the week this happened. So, I took her to the doctor and left my girls with her kids. School did not happen as it "should" but life happened and ministry happened as we set up meals for her and took care of her kids until she was able to function better.
The following week, another dear friend was blessed through the gift of adoption. Upon that adoption, we were able to watch her other kids so they could meet with lawyers and such. We also were able to use our kitchen in taking a meal to them and set up other meals to be brought as they adjust to a family of four kiddos.
Another area we have been able to see God using our home has been with our girls' friends and kids from co-op. There have been oppurtunities for kids to be here overnight or just to hang out for study time. It has been great to get to know these kids and allow God to use our home in a way that is strengthening bonds between these kids.
The final area recently that God is showing me His plan for us is through our table. How so? We have shared a few meals with friends over the weeks and have been blessed by the conversations, prayers, laughter as we sit around our table. We are blessed to have friends who enjoy spending time together.
I think my heart jumped at the thought of adoption or foster care when we first were challenged but soon God layed out his plan for us....we are to minister to others through meals, babysitting, opening our home for others to hang out, praying with others, sharing life as we walk the same journey or sharing where we have been to give hope to those who need it. I pray that our focus will be more outside of our small bubble of people and to others around but for now, I see how He is being glorified and I am pray that will continue.
Most recently, he has challenged us to consider how we can glorify God through the use of our home. He gave examples of having a widow over for dinner, allowing a down trodden family to stay with you, adopting a child, fostering a child, sponsering a child, hosting Bible Study, etc. That question has really stuck with me and has me reevaluting our schedules and choices.
Just when you think you are going to have to change something, God brings the answer to your doorstep!
I have been blessed with many sweet friends over the years. God has met different needs in my character through these friends. I have been blessed to share many good memories with them in our home. This month, a dear friend of mine had managed to hurt her back. She has 5 small kids. Her husband travels with work at times and managed to be out of town the week this happened. So, I took her to the doctor and left my girls with her kids. School did not happen as it "should" but life happened and ministry happened as we set up meals for her and took care of her kids until she was able to function better.
The following week, another dear friend was blessed through the gift of adoption. Upon that adoption, we were able to watch her other kids so they could meet with lawyers and such. We also were able to use our kitchen in taking a meal to them and set up other meals to be brought as they adjust to a family of four kiddos.
Another area we have been able to see God using our home has been with our girls' friends and kids from co-op. There have been oppurtunities for kids to be here overnight or just to hang out for study time. It has been great to get to know these kids and allow God to use our home in a way that is strengthening bonds between these kids.
The final area recently that God is showing me His plan for us is through our table. How so? We have shared a few meals with friends over the weeks and have been blessed by the conversations, prayers, laughter as we sit around our table. We are blessed to have friends who enjoy spending time together.
I think my heart jumped at the thought of adoption or foster care when we first were challenged but soon God layed out his plan for us....we are to minister to others through meals, babysitting, opening our home for others to hang out, praying with others, sharing life as we walk the same journey or sharing where we have been to give hope to those who need it. I pray that our focus will be more outside of our small bubble of people and to others around but for now, I see how He is being glorified and I am pray that will continue.
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
Confessions of a School Supply Junky!
How I adore a new notebook, box of crayons, crisp folder and all the lovely organizers. Every single year, as we prepare to start school, I can't help but feel excited when I walk through all those school supplies. I love it! I loved school as a kid so getting new things to start the new year was always so exciting even then.
As I homeschool now, I get that same feeling as I start making decisions about our school day and what books we will use. I love getting the boxes of books at our door. The girls are just as excited as well. We all are anxious to see whose book it is and for what subject. They are always a bit bummed when it is math related! Ha!
Then I get to thinking, what about those things or that time of year, that makes me get so eager to start? Why is a fresh notebook so exciting? What about a new pen really makes my day? Oh, I don't think I really have a big problem here, but then I wonder, what will it take for me to turn that kind of excitement over to my quiet times with God? What will it take for me to see my Bible sitting there and can't wait to tear it open and see what is inside? What about my prayer journal...when will I see it sitting there and crave to sit down and fill it's pages with fresh ink?
For me, it is simple, the more I think about something, the more I get excited about it. As school is approaching each year, I get so excited because I am planning like crazy. I am seeking out information about all kinds of curriculum and experiences I desire for the girls to enjoy. I seek out that information with out any prodding. Same would be true of my quiet times. If I choose to seek God out in all areas of my life, I feel His presence more clearly than ever. I am thinking of Him all day long as I make choices and so when I see my Bible sitting by the rocker, I can't wait to see what God has to tell me today. When I put God in the backseat of my life, I don't even see the Bible sitting there. Do you find that true as well? So this year, I am putting God as driver and this school year will be off to a great start as I sit back and eagerly wait to see where He takes us through His Word and on this journey of homeschooling. My prayer for this school year is that we will seek God more in every aspect of our day. I pray that we will shine for Him when we walk out of these walls. I pray that I will share with my girls the heart of a woman who craves time with God more than new school supplies.
As I homeschool now, I get that same feeling as I start making decisions about our school day and what books we will use. I love getting the boxes of books at our door. The girls are just as excited as well. We all are anxious to see whose book it is and for what subject. They are always a bit bummed when it is math related! Ha!
Then I get to thinking, what about those things or that time of year, that makes me get so eager to start? Why is a fresh notebook so exciting? What about a new pen really makes my day? Oh, I don't think I really have a big problem here, but then I wonder, what will it take for me to turn that kind of excitement over to my quiet times with God? What will it take for me to see my Bible sitting there and can't wait to tear it open and see what is inside? What about my prayer journal...when will I see it sitting there and crave to sit down and fill it's pages with fresh ink?
For me, it is simple, the more I think about something, the more I get excited about it. As school is approaching each year, I get so excited because I am planning like crazy. I am seeking out information about all kinds of curriculum and experiences I desire for the girls to enjoy. I seek out that information with out any prodding. Same would be true of my quiet times. If I choose to seek God out in all areas of my life, I feel His presence more clearly than ever. I am thinking of Him all day long as I make choices and so when I see my Bible sitting by the rocker, I can't wait to see what God has to tell me today. When I put God in the backseat of my life, I don't even see the Bible sitting there. Do you find that true as well? So this year, I am putting God as driver and this school year will be off to a great start as I sit back and eagerly wait to see where He takes us through His Word and on this journey of homeschooling. My prayer for this school year is that we will seek God more in every aspect of our day. I pray that we will shine for Him when we walk out of these walls. I pray that I will share with my girls the heart of a woman who craves time with God more than new school supplies.
