Stretched Thin

Wow! There are seasons in my life where I feel stretched out about as far as I can be stretched...this would be one of those times. I keep pouring over our schedule trying to find what can give and where can we reclaim some of the much desired family time...and we homeschool! How odd is that statement?! Ha! Anyway, as I was pondering this situation I had a few insights  and I was wondering if anyone else feels the same..or am I really that old?!

I just get saddened by the lack of family time..sitting around the dining room table nightly, eating together, talking, sharing our joys, sorrows etc. I am saddened by the lack of cuddle time in mornings to start the day with a sweet fragrance of giggles and not rush, rush, rush. I am saddened at the time I spend in a van driving my girls all over town and really not going anywhere. I am in the van more than I am in my home! And I am dropping my girls off somewhere more than I am able to sit with them and soak up some much needed momma/daughter time. So that got me to thinking, when did this switch happen? I don't recall ever being on the go as much as I am now when I was a kid. Was I oblivious or was it different? That is where I have to say my generation fails. We have lots of good things I see as parents...I believe we talk with our kids more than previous generations..each one gaining that gift from the other. However, we have less time to do so, so maybe we aren't talking more but just cramming it in to what time we have.

When I was a kid, I recall coming home, doing homework and playing outside or in our basement for hours! I mean hours, people. Today's kid comes home from school, does homework and goes to activities for hours! Where is the time for play? Imagination? Family bonding and memories? I point no fingers at anyone without pointing them at myself. I do the same thing. But I wonder...is it necessary to be at practices/classes daily? Really? Are we all trying to make our kids be the best in whatever they are doing instead of focusing on character development and family? Don't get me wrong, I think you get lots of benefits from the activities your kids are in...learning to stick to it to see a goal achieved, dedication etc. But where do they learn to honor their parents, love one another, serve together, loyalty to family etc if they spend more time with a team/group than each other?  I worry about this issue as I am trying to figure out what needs to give. But I wonder, do others see it as progress? Am I the only one who feels there are times we are sailing this generation of kids down the river by selling them the need to go, go, go at all times and never enjoy times of being still? In the stillness is where I learn the most about God. In the stillness is where I find peace. In the stillness, I breathe in His truths. So if I'm never still, never teaching them to be still, how will they hear Him? Is busyness the enemies greatest weapon against families?

Some of my sweetest moments growing up are of me sitting on my moms lap listening to her read to me over and over or camping and listening to my dad talk like Donald Duck for hours. Today...no time to go camping because someone has a game/performance. No time to sit and read because the school work is too demanding and leaves no time. I am humbled by the dedication and focus of my girls leaders/coaches. Truly I am. I just wonder if that role in their life shouldn't still be ours and we have paid someone else to take that from us. For me...leaves me thinking there has to be a better choice. A combination of it all. Until I find that, I pray I can steal away sweet moments in the craziness of our schedule. I just know one thing is true...I only have a season of my life to raise the kids God has blessed me with and I would hate to think I spent it driving around instead of soaking up sweet moments that will carry me through all the other seasons of my life. I don't get to do this again...one chance. What do I want my girls to walk away from this season in their life knowing? What do I need to change to make that happen? Eager to hear your thoughts.

New Year~ Fresh Focus

I realize I might be a little behind in posting this, but hey, it's still January! I just really want to have it written somewhere to help me stay accountable to this goal in  my life. So, with that, let me back pedal a bit...
There are times in my life where I have the best intentions of doing better, speaking better, living better, and yet I don't. I drop the ball. I get short with my family (hard to imagine, I know:) , I don't sit down for Quiet Time yet again, I leave the house a mess, I miss opportunities to pour truth into my girls and I walk right on past where God wants me to be. I miss it all. Why? Because I'm so focused on what I want to do in that moment I lose focus on what is most important. Kind of the Tyranny of the Urgent. Those things that scream loudest, get my attention. Yet, all that does for me is to truly leave me empty. I feel sad at the end of a year, my heart not full of the joy I know God desires for my life. So what's a girl to do?

For me, setting goals is key. So this year of 2014, I have chosen to focus in on two words to really fix the rest of my life around. My words for 2014 are PASSION and INTENTIONAL. I desire to be more passionate in the things God calls me to do...as a wife, mother, daughter, leader, friend. I want to be sold out for HIM in all I do. When someone is passionate about what they are doing, they are contagious. You love being around them because they ooze joy and passion for whatever it is they adore. I want to be that way about JESUS to my girls. I want them to see that I am so passionate about JESUS that I ooze HIS love and truth in every aspect of my life. I want them to see that I am so passionate about being a Godly wife, that I ooze the love of Christ on my husband and that the calling to be their mom is such a passionate calling in my life that I ooze the love of Christ all over them as well. I want them to see the  passion I feel inside starting to ooze all over whatever I'm doing.

Being intentional seems natural for some people. Most of the time it can be for me as well. I often choose people over tasks. I know that jobs can wait but people are only here for a time. So I get that, but there are times I use that as a way to get out of  things. Being honest here. So in my goal to be more intentional with all I do, I need to carry that in all areas of my life. Wherever God places me for that moment, I desire to be intentional in that moment..with the people there, with the job at hand, with the calling given. That will require me to stay focused on that moment and not get lost in my daydreams or my "fixing it" mentality which can creep its way in without me realizing it. Being intentional is really about being sold out in that moment, fully engaged and prepared to do whatever it is God has called me to do...laundry, meals, hug my girls for some much needed cuddle time. I don't want to waste one moment of time over my agenda or need to fix something. I want to get lost in memories and moments God has placed on my journey this year.

So, I leave this post up as a reminder to myself to stay passionate about what God  has called me to do in life and to be intentional while there. I'm eager to see how this year pans out but so far...loving it!
Blessings!

Snow Fun!

WE have been experiencing some beautiful snowfalls lately. I thought I'd take a sec and post some pics of the fun we've had in the snow...as well as some shots that are just beautiful! :)

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The girls decided to dive into the snow...swimsuit on, hat on..bare feet! Oh my!

They also made a new friend. :) 

Even our furry guy enjoyed the snow. 

Bean loves to take pictures. She asked Doodle to put on one of 

her dance costumes and pose. And they are beautiful! 

Blessed by the ballerina and the photographer! :) 

Our road...beauty.

Some hate snow, but I love the way it reminds me of how God allowed His Son to die for me and cover my sins white as snow. AS I look out my window and see a fresh blanket of unmarked snow, I can't help but immediately think of this gift. Precious reminder. :) 

Introducing Miller's Remington Steele....

Our girls were so determined to have a puppy this year for Christmas. They started in on their dad right away. It's been over a year and a half since our beloved Rocky passed away. We all were ready to hear the pitter at of sweet puppy feet in our new house. Well, not all of us, but all the females in the house. How's that for not naming names?! Ha! 

 Obviously, the girls won in the end and wore their dad down. Who are we fooling...he's a softie when it comes to them. He eventually started looking at puppies and dogs that were a bit older and trained. We both felt that might work better with our lifestyle right now but the girls were determined to have a puppy. So guess what...

That's right...they got a puppy. He's 4 months old and is the most bashful pup we've ever experienced in our lives! He runs at the drop of a feather, an adult walking through the room, his own shadow! Ha! Not really, but he is quite fearful or anxious about most things. However, we have noticed he is starting to warm up to the girls quite a bit. He loves playing outside with them and cuddling up with them on the floor. 

For the first two days, this pup would not leave his blankie we put on the floor. We seriously had to carry him outside to go to the bathroom and back inside when he was done. I think we were all a bit worried that would last. But thankfully it did not. We then went to opening the door and letting him head out when he was ready. Took him 20+ minutes the first time. Now he goes right out most the time, unless the girls are gone and I have to let him out. Then he takes a bit longer. 

So with his attachment to his blankie we considered naming him Linus. We figured that seemed fitting! Yet we hated to dub him a name from his puppy days that he will outgrow or shall I say we pray he will outgrow! So we started down the list of name possibilities...Spencer, Stanley, Oliver, Moose, Murphy, Snoopy, Samson...none seemed to stick with all of us. Then I mentioned Remington. Not sure if I was doing my hair and saw the curling iron or maybe caught a glimpse of my husband's hunting gear, but Remington popped in my head and then I thought of the old tv show Remington Steel, which I loved! So we voted and soon we were loving on our Miller's Remington Steele....aka Remmy. 

And although he protested for a year, no matter what he says...Matt loves this dog. I think this picture says it all, don't you?! Love it! 

So here he is...sitting pretty in his cage. Remington Steele Miller. What a sweetie! Welcome home, Remmy! We look forward to many more years with you in our family.

Reflections on 2013

As I take time to reflect on our year, I realized that I had not opened up my blog in an entire year to write a new post. That says a lot. I've been so busy with life that I didn't have time to just sit and be. I LOVE journaling what our family is up to. It is a great way for me to capture moments in time and make sure the lessons we learned or challenges given or words of encouragement received are not forgotten in time. I adore it. So with the new outlook for 2014, I desire to get back into blogging and really see how God is using our family and growing each of us as we start this new year of adventure!

In retrospect, I must at least go through my top 10 memories of 2013...so here we go:

10. Seeing Alaska with entire family on my husband's side. I have never seen such beauty!

9. All the "firsts" that this year has brought, Doodle dancing in her recital on pointe, Bean swimming in a new age group and doing great, Doodle learning to drive, Doodle going to her first prom with friends, Bean getting her ears pierced, Bean cutting off her braids, Doodle started a new co-op where she attends two days a week without us, all of us walking or running in our first Drumstick Dash with the Perkins and cousins, Christmas at our new house and a new puppy to boot!

8. Matt turned 50! We had a card shower for him and had a few friends fly in to celebrate! :)

7. With having lots of firsts, we obvously have some lasts as well. Some of my favorites have been:
   ~sitting in the rocker in the girls old bedroom before they painted over the flowers we painted when we moved in....oh the tears of joy remembering bringing each girl into that room and rocking them.
   ~Watching the girls swing on the swingset Matt built them at the old house for the last time. sniff.sniff
    ~Watching Doodle dance at the recital with a dear friend who was stepping out of dance and also her instructor who was retiring the same year. It was bitter sweet to see her cling to what was and venture out to the new. Such sweet memories!
  ~ We quit our old co-op after 6 years. Little did I know what God had planned for me to know how much He protected all by making this choice..no matter how tough it was!

6. Sunsets and sunrises....each of them I soak in and can't get enough. God's creativity never gets old.

5. Bean turned 13!! Yes, that's right, my baby is 13! She is a beautiful, young lady who loves quietly serving
    others. She adores babies and truly has a knack for baking.

4. We moved! We sold our house we lived in for 13 years and moved next door to Matt's parents. This was not a planned move but very sudden decision. The opportunity came and we jumped on it. That was a lot of work to prep our house for sale and then to clean a home that had been sitting for a year. I have never painted so much in my life! We were blessed by all the people who stopped by to help us each day as we prepared the new house for our family. I was humbled by friends I haven't seen in years just stopping by. God touched my heart to let me know that sweet friends never stop being friends no matter how long it has been. I pray  I can repay the love shower we received to each of them one day. It is humbling beyond words and so grateful!

3. Since the move, my favorite thing has to be seeing my father-in-law riding my husband's bike from when he was a kid over to see the girls. It was so stinking cute! He just pedaled over here like it was no big deal to see a grown man riding a bike with a banana seat and flag! Hilarious!

2. Doodle turned sweet 16! We've always known she was sweet, but to see her continue to grow into this amazing woman of God is just humbling beyond words. She has a heart for God that makes others pale in comparison, including my own. We are excited to see her flourish at her new co-op and to see her enjoying her friends so much.

1. My favorite "memory" of 2013 has to be God's healing of me! I had no idea how much I had let myself go until we returned from Alaska in August. We had moved in early July, left for Alaska two weeks later. Returned home and my body unleashed war on me. I suffered from panic attacks the likes I've never experienced.  I couldn't leave my home. For two weeks, I struggled to get a grasp on my emotions, health and irrational fears/thoughts. All the while, right by my side sat my family...Matt, the girls, my precious parents, sister and brother and in laws. Everyone dropped their plans or such to pour into my life and get me well. Being a gal who struggled to see her worth from time to time, this brought me to my knees. I was humbled at how often my mom and dad would drive over to our house, drag me out the door to walk with them and bring me back all the wall cheering me on to good health. They sat with me at countless doctors appointments, helped me walk through a store or leave a birthday party when I felt uneasy. They did not make me feel belittled or as if I was crazy ever. My sister spoke truth into my head...reminding me that God speaks to us loudest when we are still. Since I had been on the go for so long, He needed to get my attention to hear Him. So she encouraged me to look at this time not as me going crazy, although it did feel as such, yet instead to see it as a time of soaking in God's words and being still so He could guide me. I wept considering that while others were telling me to swallow a pill, my sister knew what to say and what my soul needed. I'm not against meds if I need them at all. I just think it was amazing to see that although we may not see each other as often as I like, when it came down to it, they were all there and knew exactly what my heart needed to hear.

It turned out that I was struggling with a major change in my life...perimenopause. Oh the joys! This was causing my hormones to be out of whack and caused the panic attacks but we had a few weeks where I feared I was dealing with a heart condition, diabetes, mental illness. I was a broken woman. And oh, the joy that comes from being completely broken, bare before your creator! God met me in a way I can never put words to adequately. His Word brought me comfort. Singing praises to Him brought me comfort. Praying with my family brought me comfort. And finally, listening to His leading on getting me to the right doctors brought me comfort.

I'm thankful for the journey God took me on as I healed the next few months. I was forced to really look at my life,my heart,my activities and see what mattered most and what was causing me to sink.I was forced to ask for help...so hard for me to do!  I was forced to look at my body as  temple of God. How I chose to care for it or ignore it was up to me, but it would not withstand being abused or ignored without side effects. So I started walking with my parents in August and kept going. Being outside in creation, walking..clears my mind. Allows me to focus on my creator and know He is bigger than any of the stuff I'm facing. I get clarity on that silly trail. The panic attacks started to vanish and instead came peace.

The more I dug into God's Word and into the areas of my life that He was ready to tackle, the stronger I became. I am thankful for realizing I put myself last to the point of not taking care of my body, spirit, mind. I needed to hear that it is ok to take time out of the busyness of life to just sit or walk. I need to sit or walk and be still so I can hear Him. I need that. That is no longer a desire in my life but a need. And to be honest, I think a lot of women need that but are so busy doing things for everyone else, they sink. So I am learning to speak up when I need time and to be diligent about my work when I am busy. Balance is the key.

The perk of all this has been that as I tackled each area God brought up to me during this time, the weight melted off. It was like an awakening of my spirit was burning off the layers of crud I had held onto or stuffed for years. What a glorious way to start a new year! No longer bound to  old ways but free to experience life the way God intended...focused on Him, walking with family, supported by friends. I can't wait to see where He takes us next!

Thanksgiving Top 10

As I prepare for Thanksgiving this year, I felt it appropriate to post my top 10 things I am thankful for...only to find out I had already done so a couple years ago. After reading my list, I realized,  I haven't changed a thing. So here is a repost and an amen to my list from 2010. Enjoy!

 I know I am a silly girl, but I think we should take time out to be thankful daily and not just one day a year. Regardless, at least we all take time to really think about just what blessings we have this time of year. So, today I am thrilled to be able to count my top 10 blessings in my life at this time.

I am thankful for~

10. Chocolate and chai tea....simple and yummy!

9. A home that is filled with laughter and love more than heartache and hurts. Not saying we never hurt each others feelings, but I am so thankful our family has more times of laughter than of tears.

8. Friends who love me and support me in all my endeavors. Not only supporting me, but pouring their lives into my girls hearts! I love that my girls have supports from all around them in all areas they are involved. Those women in my life at co-op, girls' dance classes, church, small group, scrapbooking buddies, lifetime friends...I adore your hearts!

7. Generous in-laws who have shown me that stuff is just stuff

6. Sunrises and sunsets that remind me of what a Mighty God I serve

5. Sister and brother who still giggle with me over our childhood jokes and also that we support each other in our endeavors regardless of how different we all are. No judgement, just love. :)

4. Parents who showed me the way to Christ and loved me enough to teach me that the best gift they could ever give me was to love each other well. I am grateful my parents did not try to be my friend when I was younger but were my parents who loved me enough to discipline me and teach me to do things the "right" way. :)

3. Being blessed to be called Mommy~ a word I never thought I would hear. I am thankful to have two beautiful girls who bless me with laughter, joy and love daily. These girls have a love and knowledge of God that I am in awe of daily.

2. Being married to a man who I adore and adores me. Having a marriage that is never taken for granted and where we see God's hand throughout. I am grateful Matt understands this woman's heart.

1. Having a God who loved me enough that He laid down His life for mine. While I was still a sinner, He died for me. He did if for you too.

Fill 'er Up!

There have been times in life where I have had an abundance of time to do what I desire when I desire. There are likewise times where I can't seem to find time to think! This season in my life is more like the latter. I have found that during those times I start to feel a bit overwhelmed but recently God allowed a friend to speak some wisdom into me and I walked away so blessed. Life is good because I could hear her words and I thought I would share. 

When discussing my situation with my sweet friend, I poured over all that I felt God was leading our family to do right now...school choices, support friends, serve others, office, home, etc. As I laid more and more things on the table between us, she stopped me. Gently she asked me with all these things, what needs to be poured out so I can give all I need to with joy? What? She said to make two columns...one for things, people, events that fill me up spiritually, emotionally etc. Then the other was for things, people, events that drain me. What or who truly sucks the life right out of me? I had never considered that just because I like someone does not mean we make a good team as friends. I guess I always thought if our kids were the same age, did the same things,  enjoyed playing...the adults would just figure it out. But she really challenged me to consider that there are people who pour into your life and make it richer. Those are the people we need during this time of transition with the office, school, home etc. And we need to be those people to others. We can not pour into others lives when we have so many "straws" in our own life sucking it dry, whether that be activities or people. 

I knew to adjust the activity load but I had not considered the people. So it has me thinking....where do you run for comfort? Calm in a storm? My first place is straight to God, but then it is my husband, closest friends and family. Beyond that, I must ask myself are the casual relationships I have pouring into my life or draining me? If they are not adding joy and calm to my crazy life, this season may be about learning to set healthy boundaries with my time, friendships and talents...no matter how hard that may be! That does not come easy to me. I like people! I like having fun and giggling with whoever is around but that does not mean I need to bring their drama etc into my already full plate. I see the wisdom of this and am trying to figure out what does drain me most and where do I turn in those moments. I also find myself trying to figure out if I am that person who is draining others...and if so, how can I adjust my actions, words to not be that for them. I have to admit that I had never thought of going through my relationships in this way. I just love on them all and deal with what it brings I guess. But now I see the fruit of these words. I see I am more calm. I am at peace. I find joy in all I am doing because those I have surrounding me on a daily/weekly basis are people that truly pour into my life and vice versa. What a great gift at a perfect time of craziness.